Another one to you Rob! Yep, we write quite a lot about you lately. But well, that’s not a big surprise though… We payed a lot of attention to you (Who didn’t?) and to say it in Ellen Degeneres’ words: “Who’s taking care of you man?”
In this video you admit that you can’t drive properly. You don’t even know how to use “those wipey things” (windshield wiper btw, just in case someone asks you again). Then I read this in the new Vanity Fair interview:
“I’m trying not to drown,” he says in his hotel room at the San Diego Hard Rock Hotel, which is littered today with beer bottles, old scrambled eggs, a half-eaten Twix bar, and a dirty pair of jeans on the living-room floor. And he notices his unmade bed. “Oh, God. Sorry about that.”
And Harpers Bazaar mentioned all the boxes with your dirty laundry they saw in your room.
So this is the kind of place you’re living in most of the time? And I bet that -except on the rare occasions when you go out for dinner with the crew- instead of having a real cooked meal you go for a Hot Pocket. And it seems most of the time you need someone reminding you to wash your hair every now and then… How sad. You sitting all alone in your chaotic hotel room having a Hot Pocket and a Heineken for dinner…heart-wrenching.
And as if that wasn’t enough it seems that you aren’t even capable to button up your shirts correctly. Not even if you’re going to an award show. I found several pictures proving that fact. So it’s pretty obvious that you’re in desperate need of someone who takes care of you! So this is were we come in. The two of us, Zelda and Soul, will greatly sacrifice ourselves in order to help you. We could drive you everywhere. We got an almost clean credit, only one accident each and it wasn’t even our fault, kind of, that’s pretty good! We could make dinner for you. Real meals, not only microwave you Hot Pockets but something better. Like homemade Hot Pockets mushroom ravioli. We would make your bed for you. Naturally, as we would sleep in it together with you every night. We would help you buttoning up your shirts correctly and getting dressed up.
We would even help you getting undressed. For various reasons. Like because you spent the whole night in a pub and now are too drunk to do it yourself. Or simply because it’s not very comfortable to sleep in your bed with your jeans still on. Or because there’s no reason at all except the fact that you’re just so damn hot… Only condition: We would have to life in your suite with you, of course. Otherwise this just wouldn’t work cause we need to be really close to you to take care of you properly. But that’s just logical, so it should be no big deal. When we could start you ask? Well, uhm… immediately! Yep, we’re that dedicated. Cause honestly, you need us! Simply call me and I’ll be on my way even before you hang up. Awesome, isn’t it? Yeah, I thought so too. You’re welcome.
Your future caretaker
Any other ideas what we could do for Rob while we take care of him? Leave a comment or send us an e-mail!
PS: Watch out for our great New Moon premiere red carpet recap tomorrow! Sorry, but we really need the time so we can pay attention to all the important details. What did all the stars wear? Another see-through outfit from KStew? Any shirtless wolfpack members? Did Cathy Hardwicke get past the security guys onto the red carpet? And did she make out with Solomon Trimble afterwards in her best cougar-fashion? We’ll pull it all off… tomorrow. Promise!
Don’t know who Solomon Trimble is? Check it out here at LTT. Sometimes a picture and its amazing caption (thanks to UC and Moon) show you everything you need to know. Can’t beat that one, so I just posted the link.
(images: google; video: YouTube)