Overdue since July: the Eclipse Review

Gosh, just writing down that headline makes me realize how much I failed at blogging lately… Actually I plan on making a top as well as a flop ten list for Eclipse just like we did with New Moon cause I thought that was a pretty cool idea. There are a few general thoughts though that probably won’t make it into any of those lists but still have to be mentioned so I decided they get their own post. Here we go!

I didn’t really like Eclipse. There, I said it. Now you can go and hate on me. I don’t care. It’s my opinion and I’m not gonna take it back. I mentioned it about a million times back in the day that I was neither as excited nor as hyped up for Eclipse as I was for New Moon. That’s not what I’m talking about here though.

Eclipse - Welcome to the land of bad wigs and general awkwardness

About a week ago I watched Eclipse again cause I thought maybe I just had missed all the awesomeness the first time. I hadn’t. I mean, I DID realize some really good stuff (like all the little Alice and Jasper moments) but all in all that movie is just full of awkwardness and out of character moments. More about those in the flop ten list! In general I would say I just didn’t get the Eclipse feeling. (Yep Kiyoka, I agree with you on that one!) Of course this is a movie and it’s only natural it can’t be EXACTLY like the book but I felt like all my favorite scenes had been left out or changed and all the annoying and bad ones had been left in the script. I mean HELLO? NO ALICE KIDNAPS BELLA SCENE? No completely what the heck Edward bribed her with a yellow Porsche moment? FAIL!!! And that’s just one of many more examples. I can live with lots of changes. Edward’s Volvo is charcoal instead of silver? Fine. Angela dates Eric instead of Ben? Alright. Everyone of the vampires has a totally different haircut and color in each of the movies? Oh well. None of that ruined it for me. As I said I just didn’t get the Eclipse feeling like I should have. Remember reading it for the first time? What was it like for you? When I think back the following thing come to my mind: romantic overload, sexy make-out scenes (hello there leg hitch!), oh no he dihin’t, oh so sweet, fight scenes, oh no she dihin’t, most romantic thing EVER, I want Edward as my bf, I love the Cullens, backstories FTW, Victoria ROCKS as an enemy. Yeah, I know that were just random words but that’s how my feelings develop usually. In a random chain of single words that are a complete mess. Haha, sorry. But if you know me that shouldn’t really surprise you. If I made a thought chain for Eclipse the movie it would probably look something like this: Oh no they dihin’t leave that out, OMG the wigs, SO unrealistic Bella, as if you would ever do that, OMG the wigs, since when do I want to do NEITHER Edward NOR Jacob, awkwardness to the max, gosh I think I might fall asleep soon, cheesiness overload, OMG the wigs, who the heck said KStew could act, awkwardness to the max, so not excited. Kinda sad, right? Please don’t hate on me though. Or at least not until you’ve read the top and flop ten lists next week. Cause yes, there WERE things that I liked after all!

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Eclipse the book, our love stays untarnished forever!

Soul

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PS: Chelle, I know you’ve been DYING to read my review ever since July. I’m honestly sorry I kept you waiting that long girl. So I’ll post the top and flop ten list next week. Plus they might include some of the “special secret information” you passed on to me concerning the Bella eyebrows!

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What were your Eclipse thoughts? Has your first impression changed after watching it again a while later? We wanna know about it! Leave a comment or e-mail us!

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Bella, are you a Videogame Princess?

Remember my fantabulous birthday special here on the blog aka the best post ever? Hint: If the answer is no, run off immediately as fast and as far as you can cause I might seriously kick your ass! Just kidding… or maybe not. Obviously everyone here on the blog was so dazzled by Zelda’s piece of awesomeness that no one notice who did NOT get a bday post. Cause yes, fun fact (just in case you haven’t checked out our “About” page yet) I share a birthday with Bella Swan.

Hello there fellow bday boy and childhood hero!

And Super Mario. Yep, the videogame hero. Only he is a bit older than I am but still we share a bday. How cool is that, right? Especially since Zelda and I were Super Mario fangirls pretty much since elementary school. Cause yes, we were videogame nerds. I mean, not real nerds cause we still had friends and rode our bicycles and went to the playground and stuff instead of being the cliche pale, friendless weirdos that hang out in front of a computer all day but we also loved a good Gameboy game.
Funny thing is that it wasn’t some cool rich kid but in fact Mama Soul herself who introduced me to Super Mario World back in the day. Yep, Mama Soul is cool! But you already know that and we’re getting a little off topic here. So while I watched a Super Mario birthday special instead of all those fanmade “Happy bday Bella” YouTube videos it suddenly hit me. OMG, Bella is such a videogame princess!

Oops, I got kidnapped again for the 245th time...

Before anyone starts objecting now let’s analyse this. The only purpose of people like Princess Peach or Princess Zelda is to get in trouble so that the actual hero can come along and rescue them. Doesn’t sound like Bella yet? Let’s see… She almost gets hit by Tyler’s van, Edward comes and saves her. She’s hunted by James, Edward comes and saves her. Jasper attacks her, Edward comes and saves her. She hits her head on a stone in the attempt to ride a motorcycle, Jacob takes his shirt off and comes to save her. She fails at cliff diving, Jacob takes his shirt off and comes to save her. She meets the Volturi who basically want to eat and kill her, Edward and Alice come and save her. And that are only the first two books.

Do you like my hair? Oh and can you rescue me please?

See a pattern there? Agree with me now? Bella is pretty much like Kate in “LOST”. Everyone thinks she’s hot and brave but in the end she always fucks up and gets everyone in trouble needing to be rescued. Bella IS a videogame princess after all! You know what happens to those princesses? You get annoyed by them! You start wondering where’s the sense in saving them if all they do is get in trouble again five seconds later. That’s the point where I always turned off the gameboy and thought “Oh what the heck, go to hell. You got into that stupid shit, no see how you get out again.” Just a little advice Bella. Cause you know, one day Edward might get annoyed and bored by playing the hero and turn off his gameboy as well…
(Yep, that was totally a That’s What She Said sentence.)

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Off to NOT get in trouble in order to NOT need to be saved

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Anyone of you having sweet memories of playing Super Mario games? How awesome is it that I share a bday with him? Oh and with Bella as well. I’m a bday winner obviously Where you ever annoyed by Bella when you read the Twilight series? And am I right or what about that videogame princess theory? Also how do you think Bella would look like wearing Princess Peach’s dress? Leave a comment or e-mail me! Also did you notice I totally gave away where Zelda has her fake-name from?

(images: Google)

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Top ten lists back in action aka stuff we are excited to see in Eclipse

Guess what I found in that dusty back corner of our blog where we like to hide series we once started and then forgot about. Yep, top ten lists. In fact I used to be pretty good at putting those together and I thought maybe I should go back to it and make a list full of stuff I really want to see when I watch Eclipse for the first time. Now here comes the list!

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Top ten things I want to see during Eclipse

Jump up on your seat NOW!

1.) Some insane Jacob-worshipping girl jumping up on her seat and yelling “TEAM JACOB” during the Bella and Jacob kiss.

2.) Above mentioned girl getting slapped in the face by some Team Edward Twihard yelling “FACEPUNCH” (Haha, that would already be two of the things on my stuff to yell during Eclipse list. WIN!)

3.) The scene where Alice kidnaps Bella. (Yeah, I KNOW that scene doesn’t exist in the movie. I want to see it anyway though so I put it on the list. Just in case. )

4.) The leg hitch. Always the leg hitch.

5.) A wolfpack nude scene. (Honestly, they cannot ALWAYS get their jorts out in time! )

6.) The Edward and Jacob fight scene. (Everytime I watch it on YouTube I hope that this time Charlie will NOT come out in time and they will start a REAL fight.)

Time to kick ass, Carlisle!

7.) The Cullens fighting the Newborns. (I wanna see Daddy Carlisle and Esme kick some vampire asses so bad!)

8.) The Jasper flashback. (Yep, that would actually have been Zelda’s thing to say but it’s true. I too wanna see southern soldier Jasper Whitlock on a horse.)

9.) Howard Shore’s score. (Say what you want, call me lame, I don’t care! You should know by now I have a composer crush on Howard.)

10.) The tent scene. (Because I know I’ll receive at least 963 hate comments within 2 minutes if I don’t put that on the list as well…)

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Top ten lists are back in town y’all!

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What were you excited for when you went to see Eclipse? Did anyone jump up and then get punched in the face while you were in the cinema? Let me know! Leave a comment or e-mail us!

(images: Eclipsemovie.org)

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What if Eclipse does NOT dazzle me?

Nope, I still haven’t seen Eclipse yet. But HTD dudette Kiyokamori did. Then she live text messaged me while watching it informing me about stuff like “Leg hitch, be jealous” or “tent scene on NOW”. I was pretty busy being all jealous and excited and stuff. That was before I got her full review though. She rated it four out of ten. FOUR OUT OF TEN? That’s not even 50%! She said the feeling just wasn’t right. I thought about it and I gotta say I kinda agree. If she’s right that is. What if Eclipse is super exciting and well-done and all but I just don’t get the Eclipse feeling that the book gives me? Would I be disappointed? Hell yes! That doesn’t necessarily mean I won’t like the movie. It can still be entertaining, funny, exciting or whatever. But it won’t really be Eclipse.

Screw Skinsuits! Give me my Eclipse feeling!

Let’s face it: I didn’t count it but I guess 80% of our posts refer to the movies only and have nothing whatsoever to do with the books at all. I talked so much about Taylor Lautner’s abs, Kellan’s Calvins and Ashley’s Skinsuits that sometimes I got the feeling I forget why I started it all. When I first read Eclipse it wasn’t really about the fight. Or the Newborns. No! It was kinda retro and romantic and hilarious. My favorite book in the series. We had Edward’s oldfashioned proposal, the leg hitch, the moment when Bella realizes Edward bought a bed just for her, one of my favy parts ever where Alice kidnaps Bella because Edward bribed her with the yellow Porsche… There were TONS of highlights! At least twice as many as in New Moon or Twilight. I don’t want to be prejudiced, but I don’t think they will be able to give me my Eclipse feeling. And it kinda makes me sad. Remember I still haven’t seen the movie, so this is only judging by the clips and trailers and first reviews from Kiyokamori, F_Muse and cdubs. It seems though they made it all about the Newborns, fighting, about Bella being caught between her love for Jacob as well as Edward. Which is WRONG! That is NOT what Eclipse is about! At all! Plus from the moment you read the meadow scene for the very first time EVERYONE KNOWS Bella and Edward will end up together. THERE IS NO CHOICE! Alright alright, maybe I should try to manage my expectations a bit before I completely lose my shit in the cinema. Maybe I should just take the Eclipse movie as what it is (a probably pretty enjoyable movie in a huge franchise) and then go back home to read Eclipse the book to get the RIGHT feeling back again. With all my favorite scenes. Cause I SWEAR, if I could marry the moment where Alice says Edward got her the Porsche, I would! (Name where I got that slightly altered quote from and you win a fake prize!)

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Off to STILL not watch Eclipse

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What about you? What were your Eclipse expectations? What were the highs and lows? Were any of your favorite scenes missing? Give us your review via comment or e-mail!

(images: Google)

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Eclipse Quote Game round 3

Are you ready for yet another post where I take a random Eclipse quote and make up a story to go with it? No? What a pity, cause I’m going to do it anyway! This is one Bella says to Edward.

I know you know what she saw!

According to me, this is Bella’s reaction in following situations:

• after she realizes Leah Clearwater showed Edward memories of Jacob and Paul making out in the woods in their wolf-form.
• 

  Dear Edward, would you go gay for this hot piece of man-meat?

  to Edward getting to see thought-flashback of Victoria and Riley getting it on. She’s probably scared Edward might become gay. Cause you know, that Riley-guy IS hot as hell!

• when she realizes Edward read Alice’s mind right at the moment where she was thinking about helping Bella shower after the James-incident. Seems Edward is NOT that innocent after all…

Will Edward become gay and spare Riley? Will the two of them spend a wonderful vacation on Isle Esme together? Will they make fun of the wolves for the rest of their lives? And will Bella leave Edward and disengage herself after finding out he secretly spied Alice thoughts just so he could catch a glimpse at naked Bella? There’s only one way to find out! Watch Eclipse to see where they REALLY used that quote!

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Now keep those quotes coming

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I know this is a super short post. But I promise they will become way longer and more exciting as we get closer to the day that Zelda and I will FINALLY watch Eclipse together! I promise to make a larger post every few days though over the next ten days! Have you already seen Eclipse? How did you like it? Plus don’t forget to send in quotes! Just Leave a comment or e-mail us!

(image: Google)

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Let the Eclipse quote posts begin

Okay, I’m over my trailer trauma from yesterday. We can go back to normal now. Or no, wait! We can’t! Because half of you have probably already seen Eclipse by now while I still have to wait almost two weeks. (Don’t ask, I’m still pissed I can’t make it sooner…) Fortunately I have several of our good old top ten list posts prepared. All Eclipse themed of course. And I gotta say they pretty much rule. Plus remember when I said I want all of you who’ve already seen the movie to send in random quotes and then I’ll make up a post about them and it will be awesome? Well, the number of quotes I’ve so far received from readers is… zero! I was serious when I said that! Send me quotes! You might win a fake prize! So to get you all going I decided to keep the top ten lists for another day and start with a quote post. Since no one of you sent me something I had to look one up on Twitter. So if this is not an actual quote and maybe doesn’t even show up in the movie at all… blame the Twitter people! Or Summit (you know, not because it’s their fault, but because I simply love to blame them for pretty much everything ). Alright now, here comes the quote straight from Twitter Bella:

I’ll be there. And I’ll hate every minute of it. Promise.

To be honest, I think I might know where this one comes in. So let’s just ignore the obvious and think of some other scenes where Mel Rosenberg could have included this one. Shouldn’t be too hard considering that it is about Bella hating something. I mean, Bella pretty much hates everything. It’s part of her lifestyle, remember?

• Alice picked out super awesome designer clothes to wear during graduation and wants Bella to come over and try them on and OF COURSE Bella is bothered by that. Cause she’s insane. Just saying…
• The wolfpack wants her to join in their next cliff diving party so she pretends to hate to come over so they don’t get suspicious when in reality she’s checking their abs out for three hours straight.
• Mike Newton, Eric Yorkie and Tyler Crowley invited Bella to be the first one to ever see their version of a Chippendales show.

See, three scenes where it would make perfect sense for Bella to say that quote. Cause who would NOT be bothered by designer clothes or hot shirtless guys? The Mike Newton Chippendales thing is something completely different though… Bahaha, in fact I’m liking that idea better and better. Melissa Rosenberg should so have included that. You know this would for sure have been the highlight of the whole movie! Who would care about the leg hitch, the proposal or the tent scene if we could have Mike performing his best Chippendales moves? Yeah, I thought so too!

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And now, keep those Eclipse quotes coming!

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Which of those three possibilities is your favorite? And have you seen Eclipse yet? I really want you to send in quotes for me to blog about so don’t hesitate and just DO IT! Plus what is your opinion on the Eclipse movie? Good? Bad? Did they leave out your favorite part like they did with mine? Leave a comment or e-mail us!

(quote: via Twitter)

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Are you ready for GQ Taylor yet?

Yes, there are smoking new Taylor pics. And yes, I’m gonna throw them into this post. That is NOT what inspired me to write about Taylor’s GQ cover though. The rel reason for me to blog about is… the unintentional hilariousness that is the cover!

What will Taylor wear: Yep, that is the cover story. Because what will Taylor wear (WWTW) is second most important right after what would Jesus do (WWJD). And because that pic of little Taytay is not enough they even mention explicitly how buff he is. In the headline of their cover story. Brilliant.

Grill it up: A guide to become a grill master? That is SO Big Daddy Lautner’s favy in this issue! You KNOW they were inspired to write this article when Taylor’s dad showed up during the photoshoot.

Meet the cockfighter: Cockfighter? They write about a cockfighter? I’m not even sure I know what that is. I can make a pretty good guess though I think. This is NOT something I wanna picture in my head though…

The Homophobia Guide: They give you advice on gay etiquette and stuff? In the GQ issue with Taylor effing Lautner on the cover? Come on! That is destined to provide jokes to last for months on end. If it ever becomes official that Taylor should indeed be gay I will shout out “I TOLD YOU SO” and post this very GQ cover again as evidence that they knew as well. That IS a hint! Stuff like that does NOT happen by chance. Ever. Trust me!

Alright, I know all you really wanna see are the pics… So here you go!

Maybe it’s just my imagination. Or the approximately 9 family vacays I spent in Italy watching business men on their Vespas pass by. But this DOES look kinda Italian to me!

Hello there! This might be Taylor’s gay look. Or the pic next to the guide to homophobia. Just saying…

Okay, weird photo alarm! Is he lying on the floor on some branches here? Or leaning against a hedge? I can’t really tell. I CAN tell you though that if you look closely you can make out something that might interest that above mentioned cockfighter… No joke!

Does anyone else feel reminded of Rob’s Vanity Fair photoshoot? The Cape Cod one? You know, where he lay on that bed? Cause I do!

They will NEVER let him live that martial arts stuff down, will they? Poor Taylor! What will he do once he turns 50 and can’t do backflips anymore? I wish they would stop asking him to make “some of those tricks” during photoshoots. Cause this DOES look kinda weird. Especially since his head is hanging their in a VERY weird angle. In other news: Oh look, Alice parked her car there!

Oh and look, sporty again! Taylor boxing while wearing a winter coat. Cause that’s not weird at all…

Super buff teenager making all the cougars come out? Hell yes! Also this pic is DESTINED to make new Taylor-porn. Or to photoshop someone else’s head on top. One of the two. You’ll find out soon enough!

Yep, I saved the best for last. After being worried about what seemed to be Taylor’s new beer belly in the first Eclipse trailer, I’m proud to tell you THE ABS ARE BACK! This pic will probably end up over the beds of tons of girls. And their mothers. Or at your local gay bar maybe…

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Off to google cockfighter… NOT!

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So how hilarious is it that they mention the words queerbot, gaywad AND cockfighter right on the from of the GQ issue with Taylor on the cover? That IS a sign! Also how awesome those pics? Or at least the ones that aren’t weird? Which one is your favorite? Plus how much do you love that I tagged this post under “dazzling girls” as well as “dazzling guys”? (Oh yes I did, hehe!) And was someone brave enough to google cockfighter? If you were, ARE YOU INSANE? NEVER google that! EVER! Instead why don’t you leave a comment or e-mail us?

(images: GQ via Eclipsemovie.org)

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And the next drama is on!

Over the last few days Hollywood Reporter and Hollywood Insider reported that the only thing holding up an official announcement of Breaking Dawn actually being made into two movies is… money. Big surprise, I know. So they said Ashey and Kellan want 4 million $. What? WTF? They want 4 million $ for two lines? For being in five scenes? That’s worth 4 mio? Dang, I definitely picked the wrong job!

Don't make the same mistake twice Summit

Then Summit said they might just kick out one of two to solve the whole problem. Uhm, what? I mean okay, Alice is gone for half of the book anyway and except for the armwrestling match there’s basically nothing that would make Emmett’s presence really necessary. But… Remember the last time you kicked someone out Summit? And yes, that most definitely is a reference to the Victoria debacle! Remember how that one ended? Yep, just like everything else… With a BAD WIG! And with me writing countless post where I throw in Rachelle Lefevre and her portrayal of Victoria and her wonderful hair and the fact that I wanna be BFFs with her.

Don't bring The Cougar back as Alice

So no Summit, I do NOT think that it’s a good idea to kick Ashley and Kellan out and instead equip Cathy Hardi with an alice and an Emmett wig. I KNOW she would love to return to the Twilight universe aka Rob and tons of other hot shirtless guys. Cause we all know that she’s a cougar like that and would do ANYTHING for that. But… JUST NO! Period! You made bazillions with this whole franchise and even though I do not think that they really deserve 4 million $ for their minor roles I think that you can still come up with a solution that does NOT involve anyone getting kicked out. So solve that shit please! We already got more than enough drama being conjured up in this fandom, we don’t need a new version of the Victoria debacle. Kthxbye!

Just another short note: I’m fully aware that today they will announce all the artists on the Eclipse soundtrack plus the nominees for the MTV Movie Awards. And yes, I plan on posting about it. On Friday. Because tomorrow is… yep, Rob’s birthday! So come back tomorrow for the huge party I’ll throw here! And then on Friday when we can chat up all the other Twi-News aka Kristen getting nominated TWICE in the best kiss category and Justin Bieber writing a song for the Eclipse soundtrack… Just kidding! Well, about the Bieber kid at least!

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Off to get the party hats out

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So what do you think about the whole Kellan-Ashley-Summit-drama? And the MTV nominations for New Moon? and the soundtrack? Leave a comment or e-mail me!

(images: Polyvore and Google)

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Funny Monday stuff is back!

Ah, I guess I gotta apologize for not doing a funny Monday stuff post last week! But now were finally back to normal and because I know we all need a laugh (or five) on Mondays, without further ado here we go!

Uhm yeah, I can kinda understand him. It’s not as if we didn’t make fun of it since the day we saw the very first Jasper pic from New Moon. You know, the one with the poodle wig… Sorry Jasper! I really feel bad for what those wig people have done to you! On the other side, Jackson wearing a bad wig is at least one thing we can count on when it comes to the Twilight movies.

Yep, word! The new Disney dream of all little girls. Instead of wanting to be a mermaid and marry prince Eric they now want to be a clumsy girl and marry a superhot vampire. And then get pregnant with a half-human half-vampire child… Okay, scratch that last one!

Emmett destroyed the piano? Maybe he had a second armwrestling match with vampire-Bella. Edward will SO NOT be amused…

I SO wish there was a stripclub like that in the woods near where I live! Alas, no jorts-wearing hot guys with eight-packs here yet…

Ahahaha, that one cracks me up… So all the Team Jasper members out there, be warned! Alice is about to catch you staring at the Jasper-porn you got on your laptop!

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Off to work… or Twitter maybe

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Did you miss funny Monday stuff last week? Glad we’re back to normal? Which one of today pics is your favorite? Any other funny Twilight pics you wanna share? Leave a comment or e-mail me!

(images: Polyvore)

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Eclipse promo shoots: Since when does Julia Jones have such insanely huge boobs?

If you have no idea who Julia Jones is, don’t worry! I too get easily confused with all those new wolfpack / Volturi / Newborn actors. Julia is the girl who plays Leah Clearwater, the only female werewolf. Basically that’s all you need to know about her to understand this post. Two days ago (I think) a TON of new Eclipse promo pics were released. I’m not kidding here when I say tons! It would take at least three post to discuss all of them. And yes, I actually might write all of them if nothing more interesting happens in the Twiworld soon!

I saw all the pics and suddenly realized I never wrote a post about Julia Jones before. In fact I don’t think I even mentioned her once here on the blog. So today I’m gonna make up for it! First of all, this girl looks HOT! While Ashley Greene is the sexy Cullen member Julia most definitely is the sexy wolfpack lady. And I don’t just say that because she’s the ONLY lady the wolfpack has to offer. Want proof? Here you go!

Sexy, huh? Yes, I know! Julia definitely is one of the hot chicks! I think she looks all kinds of seductive and sexy and fierce and strong and womanly in this photoshoot. And then I see the Leah Clearwater Eclipse promo pic. And I’m like WTF??? Take a look and see for yourself!

Okay, first of all the hair! What IS that? Braided? Just tangled? Twisted to make her fur look cooler when she transforms into a wolf? I have NO idea. But I’m sure it would have looked a million times better if they had just quickly brushed through and then put her in that wind tunnel. Then my second thought was damn, her arms look skinny! Like enormously skinny and not strong at all. That was before I realized that the proportions might be a little distorted by her INSANELY LARGE BOOBS! I remember the first Tomb Raider movie coming out with all those Lara Croft cut-out everywhere and Angelina Jolie complaining that they made her (already big by nature) boobs even bigger for those cut-outs. Is this some kind of guy fantasy thing I just don’t get? That strong women who have some kind of special skills or super-powers always have to be unnaturally good equipped in the upper department as well? And by upper department I do NOT mean their brains here, obviously. So next time someone feels the urge to take Leah Clearwater promo pics just let her be her beautiful self. Cause yes, Julia looks way better and more natural without that strange twisted hairdo and those abnormally large boobs. Cause I doubt Leah had a boob job before she turned into a werewolf / shapeshifter. By this you would also avoid making average girls like me feel bad for NOT having Lara Croft boobs. Because yes, shattering revelation I know, I may have super awesome dazzling skills, but alas I can’t rival Lara without wearing a wonderbra.

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Off to NOT photoshop my upper department bigger

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So, did you know who Julia Jones is? Do you sometimes wish we were back to Twilight again with only about five names to remember? What do you think about the Leah Clearwater promo pic? Share your thoughts in the comments or via e-mail!

(images: google and Twifans)

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