Top ten lists back in action aka stuff we are excited to see in Eclipse

Guess what I found in that dusty back corner of our blog where we like to hide series we once started and then forgot about. Yep, top ten lists. In fact I used to be pretty good at putting those together and I thought maybe I should go back to it and make a list full of stuff I really want to see when I watch Eclipse for the first time. Now here comes the list!

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Top ten things I want to see during Eclipse

Jump up on your seat NOW!

1.) Some insane Jacob-worshipping girl jumping up on her seat and yelling “TEAM JACOB” during the Bella and Jacob kiss.

2.) Above mentioned girl getting slapped in the face by some Team Edward Twihard yelling “FACEPUNCH” (Haha, that would already be two of the things on my stuff to yell during Eclipse list. WIN!)

3.) The scene where Alice kidnaps Bella. (Yeah, I KNOW that scene doesn’t exist in the movie. I want to see it anyway though so I put it on the list. Just in case. )

4.) The leg hitch. Always the leg hitch.

5.) A wolfpack nude scene. (Honestly, they cannot ALWAYS get their jorts out in time! )

6.) The Edward and Jacob fight scene. (Everytime I watch it on YouTube I hope that this time Charlie will NOT come out in time and they will start a REAL fight.)

Time to kick ass, Carlisle!

7.) The Cullens fighting the Newborns. (I wanna see Daddy Carlisle and Esme kick some vampire asses so bad!)

8.) The Jasper flashback. (Yep, that would actually have been Zelda’s thing to say but it’s true. I too wanna see southern soldier Jasper Whitlock on a horse.)

9.) Howard Shore’s score. (Say what you want, call me lame, I don’t care! You should know by now I have a composer crush on Howard.)

10.) The tent scene. (Because I know I’ll receive at least 963 hate comments within 2 minutes if I don’t put that on the list as well…)

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Top ten lists are back in town y’all!

Soul

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What were you excited for when you went to see Eclipse? Did anyone jump up and then get punched in the face while you were in the cinema? Let me know! Leave a comment or e-mail us!

(images: Eclipsemovie.org)

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Things to yell during Eclipse

The very first Eclipse list is here! Plus this is the one where I dare you! Oh yes, you heard me right! I dare you to yell things during Eclipse! Not during your first time watching it, cause the first time is all about enjoying the moment (this might be an anti-TWSS sentence if something like this exists…). But I KNOW most of you will at least see it twice! So here is the deal! I dare you to yell at least one thing of the following list, record yourself while doing it and then send the file over to me. Then I will combine all the audio files aka throw all the HTD readers yelling the same thing together and make it my new ringtone. Plus I will live tape Zelda’s face when she hears my cell phone go off for the very first time. Awesome, right? No, this is not a joke! I’m dead serious! If you send me your audiofiles I will make them my ringtone! I NEVER joke about Twilight. You know me! Now here comes your list girls (and guys if we have any around here)!

TEAM JACOB! Honestly, yell that! Right here! I dare you!

1.) “TEAM JACOB” whenever Jake comes on screen (you know, just to annoy the 99.9857 % that are Team Edward)

2.) “LEG HITCH” during the famous Bella and Edward almost get it on in his brandnew bed with the golden sheets scene

3.) “BOOOH” every time Bella comes on screen (just for good measure… and because she loves being bothered by everything)

4.) “FACEPUNCH” when Bella slaps Jacob in the face for kissing her (in reminder of that awesome movie they watched together with Mike in New Moon you know)

JORTS POWER! (Plus optional BOOOH for Bella being in that pic)

5.) “WOLFPACK PRIDE” during the fight scene (cause those wolves DO rock) alternatively I would also accept if you went for “JORTS POWER” instead

6.) “IN YOUR FACE BITCH” when Bree gets killed (because the Bree book is NOT the one I wanted to read)

Before you start wondering whether or not I will yell all this stuff… Uhm no! Of course NOT! Cause that would be 1st-hand-embarrassing as hell and everyone would think I’m a crazy fangirl. Which would be okay if I was at a place where no one knows me. But there will be a huge number of people who are real life friends, colleagues and fellow students. That’s why I dare YOU to yell all that stuff. To keep the HTD honor up. Plus by doing it you prove that you are so much braver than me. So WIN WIN for you, right?

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Off to wait for your first audio files to hit my inbox

Soul

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Will you yell any of this during your 16th screening? Are you excited to see Zelda’s face when she first hears my new ringtone? What other stuff should people yell? And how lame is it that I couldn’t make a full top ten list? Leave a comment or e-mail us!

(images: Polyvore and Google)

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Eclipse clips overload plus we give out a fake prize

Okay, this post might seem a bit random BUT there have been quite a few new Eclipse clips and since I know that some of you are getting all their Twilight related info here (including Zelda) I just HAVE to post this videos. Ready? Go!

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The one where Jacob has the same car as one of the gym-guys

Honestly, I SWEAR one of the guys I hang out with at the gym has the very same red volkswagen rabbit as Jacob does in this clip. Weird! That’s probably all I’ll ever think of when I see him again. Also I wish Charlie would not show up and stop them from fighting. I so wish there would be a fight off right there. Oh well, I’ll get over it. I can tell that from the fact that the first time I saw the vid my thoughts went like this: Damn, Angryward is HOT! Oooohhh, there is CHARLIE! *squeeeeeeee* Maybe my mum finally succeeded in converting me to Team Charlie. Not in a “I wanna do him” way of course, how sick would that be? But in a “I can’t be angry with him for stopping Edward and Jacob from fighting because he’s just such a cute dad” way. Nuff said.

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The one where the Cullens have a campfire

Everytime I watch this clip (or well, at least the last 53 times) I wish they would get marshmallows out and make a huge campfire party!

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The one where Bella wears her Team Wolfpack jorts

Sorry for the crappy quality, couldn’t find a better one yet…

Ah the Bella and Renee scene. Do you think she would still be that happy if she knew her daughter was about to become a teen mom and half-name her child after her? I’m not quite sure. And is it just me or is Bella really wearing jorts in this clip? Maybe I’m just crazy past the point where I start seeing things… I need to find a screencap!

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The one with Stephenie Meyer’s ultimate make-out band

Let’s be honest! There is no way Steph could deny that every time she and Pancho (Is that really her hubby’s name? I’m confused…) get going she throws in a Muse album. You know, for the atmosphere and mood and stuff… So here is the clip of Neutron Star Collision aka the song they’ll probably use for the credits at the end of Eclipse.

Now turn the volume up as loud as it will go (If you haven’t already done that, that is) and press play again (I know you want to)! Then grab your hairbrush, sing into it and jump up and down on your bed! Or on your desk if you’re at work and have no other choice. Because THAT’S what I call a party! Plus we got every reason to celebrate cause now I’ll hand out an absolutely fantabulous fake prize!

If you ever read our “About” page you know that I love to bake cookies. Then you should also know that I promised a fake prize for the first one to guess why I even started baking them in the first place. Honestly dear readers, I love all of you… But it took over six months until someone gave me the right answer to that? Did you think I was joking about the fake prize? You know me, I’m NEVER joking (haha). Did you fear I would think you were a fanfic addict? Well, your bad cause now it’s too late. Someone else left a comment asking me if my baking cookies had anything to do with Wide Awake. So dear chelseaheptig, I’m very proud to give you your well deserved fake prize! Congratulations! You win the Wide Awake Audiobook! AngstGoddess’s masterpiece read by Robert Pattinson himself including as a special feature Rob’s cover of “All the pretty little horses”.

Have fun with your super awesome (fake) prize!

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Off to listen to Rob mumbling “All the pretty little horses” one last time

Soul

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What do you think about all the new Eclipse clips? Any favorite scenes? Leave a comment or e-mail us! And the Muse video? I had a girls night yesterday with purple.is.cool and we DID sing it into our hairbrushes! Also are you jealous because chelseaheptig won that fantastic Wide Awake audiobook and not you? Next time you know I’m not joking when I promise fake prizes!

(videos: Youtube; image: Google modified by me )

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Funny Monday stuff is back!

Ah, I guess I gotta apologize for not doing a funny Monday stuff post last week! But now were finally back to normal and because I know we all need a laugh (or five) on Mondays, without further ado here we go!

Uhm yeah, I can kinda understand him. It’s not as if we didn’t make fun of it since the day we saw the very first Jasper pic from New Moon. You know, the one with the poodle wig… Sorry Jasper! I really feel bad for what those wig people have done to you! On the other side, Jackson wearing a bad wig is at least one thing we can count on when it comes to the Twilight movies.

Yep, word! The new Disney dream of all little girls. Instead of wanting to be a mermaid and marry prince Eric they now want to be a clumsy girl and marry a superhot vampire. And then get pregnant with a half-human half-vampire child… Okay, scratch that last one!

Emmett destroyed the piano? Maybe he had a second armwrestling match with vampire-Bella. Edward will SO NOT be amused…

I SO wish there was a stripclub like that in the woods near where I live! Alas, no jorts-wearing hot guys with eight-packs here yet…

Ahahaha, that one cracks me up… So all the Team Jasper members out there, be warned! Alice is about to catch you staring at the Jasper-porn you got on your laptop!

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Off to work… or Twitter maybe

Soul

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Did you miss funny Monday stuff last week? Glad we’re back to normal? Which one of today pics is your favorite? Any other funny Twilight pics you wanna share? Leave a comment or e-mail me!

(images: Polyvore)

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The one that REALLY got me excited – plus what our awesome readers think about the Eclipse trailer

Today it’s finally time for the real Eclipse trailer review. Before I start with my own thoughts, I thought I would share two comments we received here on the blog first, just in case you missed them. Cause they’re hilarious. Trust me! So let’s start with what our lovely reader purple.is.cool had to say:

Something bothers me about the second picture. As if Edward was wearing a wig, too… He looks neither angelic nor like a Greek god to me there. Just an average handsome guy who has been dipped in whitewash. You are right, Bella, it IS time to visit the optometrist.
As for Edward’s speech problems, that was RPattz trying to sound all honey and velvet, girls…

Dear purple.is.cool, THIS is how Edward looks with a wig...

No, purple.is.cool, Edward isn’t wearing a wig. That’s just his special meadow sex hair! But to be honest, I liked his Twilight look best. That was the hottest Edward for me. I gotta give you that, Cathy Hardi… Still, I think all in all Eclipse Edward looks better than New Moon Edward. Even though technically he should look exactly the same in every movie cause you know, he’s a vampire and stuff. As for Edward’s honey and velvet voice, I hope this is not it. Cause this is not how Rob’s sexy voice sounds in my numerous dreams where I make out with him in my imagination. Nevertheless I fear that purple.is.cool might be right there…

Let’s hear what the lovely Dot has to say!

I thought that I was the only one who noticed that Jacobs abs are gone… Are they on a vacation or what? Maybe Taylor thought that since Kristen’s wearing a real ugly wig no one will notice his little “beer belly”. I know that I’m probably complaining but I’m not to impressed with this trailer and I hope they will release another version of it.

Haha, the thought that the very shiteous Bella wig might be more captivating than Taylor’s abs really cracks me up. The day that this becomes true is a really sad day for the whole Twidom… but a very funny one at the same time. At least for me. Cause I can turn ANYTHING into a huge joke, obviously.

So now about my own opinion: To be honest I’m so with Dot here. I was not too impressed by it. Somehow the first ever New Moon trailer got me WAY more excited than this one for Eclipse did. I mean, there were a few good parts in it but all in all it was a little lame. Sorry to say! But then I found this gem:

Uhm hello? THIS is how the trailer should have been! This video is barely longer than the trailer but oh just so much better! All the Cullens look AMAZING! So much hotter than I’m used to… And the Victoria green screen stunt scene is awesome. I mean I still wish that was Rachelle flying and jumping around there but nevertheless it seems so cool in a fancy action kinda way. And then the fight scenes! Trees flying around? A bunch of shirtless jorts-wearing Indian boys showing their abs plus the Cullens looking absolutely their BEST. This might be the first time that I really love the Rosalie hair. THIS really got me excited for Eclipse! I guess that’s the reason why I already watched it 18 times by the time I write this post. Just kidding. Or maybe not.

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Can June come soon, please? Like… NOW?

Soul

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PS: Thanks purple.is.cool and Dot for letting me use your awesome comments and for just hanging around here on the blog! Your comments always crack me up!

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So what was your impression of the first Eclipse trailer? And how do you like the sneak peek? Do you think that it’s way better, just like me? Which ones were your favorite parts? And did you laugh your asses of at Dot’s and purple.is.cool’s comments? Cause I’m sure I did! So whatever it is, leave a comment or e-mail me! I might even feature you in a future post, you never know…

(video: YouTube; image: Google)

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Chatting up the Eclipse trailer aka where have Jake’s abs gone?

So Summit finally got around to giving us the first real Eclipse trailer and of course we’ll break it down here at HTD! I’m gonna make it a bit like our funny Monday stuff with a lot of pictures and then thoughts underneath them. All mixed with general stuff. Oh, and Zelda is back, kind of. We talked yesterday for about five minutes about the trailer. And she was like “I’m watching the trailer reaction videos first” until I told her that those were reactions to the NEW MOON trailer… Sometimes this girl really cracks me up!^^ To spare myself the effort of making countless quotes I’ll just give you a mash-up of what Zelda, our dear reader Tracy (with whom I had a hilarious e-mail conversation yesterday) and I came up with! Ready? Go!

Uhm, what happened to Edward? Why was he so hard to understand at the beginning? He talked like “Ishabella Shwan, I promishe to love you…” Honestly? Was Rob I’ll the day that he said those lines or what? Then the Volturi appear and look like this:

This looks so cool! Dakota rocks the Jane! And this shot of them reminds me a little of Lord of the Rings, don’t really know why. But I love  the Lord of the Rings so that’s a good sign.

Oh look, Edward wears a blue blouse! Just saying…^^ And hey, Bella wears a bad wig! But we knew that before I guess…

Hey look, I found a shot where you can see the shiteous wig even BETTER! So sad! Honestly Bella, what happened to your hair? Did someone cut it into a mullet? Oh wait, SOMEONE did that indeed! So Summit, maybe next time you just borrow the wig the Hillywood Show uses in their low budget parody. Cause it looks way better than that one…

All thumbs up for including Charlie “Ladies Man” Swan in the trailer! He is awesome! Definitely one of my favorite characters in the movies! Mama Soul, get your Team Charlie shirt out and let’s party!

Ah the sunset! I wish that was me standing there! Sunset and even better, the SEA! I wanna go there for my next holidays!

Edward looks kinda hot here. I mean like HOT! And have you counted? Jacob wears two different shirts in this 90 second trailer alone. I didn’t even know he had more than one shirt…

ALright, now this part is pretty difficult. I hate the new Victoria. Like HATE. No, more like HATE. Now, that’s right. The hair looks ridiculous and unnatural. And her expression seems a little dumb instead of evil. More like a little girl. Honestly Summit, you never made a mistake as big as kicking Rachelle Lefevre out! She was the PERFECT Victoria and Bryce Dallas Howard can only disappoint us after that. Rachelle was WWWAAAYYY better. Plus I hate when they change the actors just in the middle of the action. I will so get moviestills of every single scene where Victoria shows up in Eclipse and then photoshop Rachelle’s head on it. FOR SURE!

Dear Jacob, what happened to your abs and when did you acquire that little beer belly? Was it the countless barbeque parties with the wolfpack guys? Emily’s delicious cooking? Did Taylor forget to contract his abs properly during that scene? Well, Tracy and I decided that the abs are still there, we just can see them properly. And we blame this to 128% on the crappy quality the trailer had in some parts, just FYI. But oh hey, you got new khaki jorts! Stephenie will so love that! You know, she’s a huge fan of khaki…

I know those where just random thoughts about certain parts of the trailer. Wanna know how I liked it all in all? Well, you’ll just have to wait for the next post cause I got so much to say about it that this needs its own post. Yeah, I’m a cockblock, I know. Just like the Meyer girl, right?

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Off to watch the trailer for the 23rd time. Just kidding. Or maybe not?

Soul

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PS: Thanks to Tracy for discussing the very important subject of Taylor’s abs (or rather their absence) with me! And sorry again for telling you one hour early that the trailer will be “OUT NOW!”… Oh, and thanks to Zelda for returning from being MIA for such a long time and chatting up Edward’s speech disorder with me! I missed you so much here on the blog, girl!

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So how did you like the trailer? What were your first thoughts? Did you miss Taylor’s abs? And do you hate the new Victoria just as much as I do? You can’t hate her more, that’s just not possible. But maybe you like her? Then get off here! Just kidding! But if you do then tell me why! Leave a comment or e-mail us!

(images: thanks to Twilightsource.com for posting all those screencaps!)

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The Scandals that could have caused the editor change, sexy naked booty pics and other stuff

The 1st HTD-pic of David Slade, who is so small he would almost pass as a Hobbit

By now you probably all know that Summit promised to show us a ten second Eclipse teaser trailer today. So I thought today would be a great day to talk a little about the Eclipse editor change. You know, the one where the old editor left and they went back to the one who had done Twilight. So what was it that caused that editor change I wondered. Here are a few things I came up with:

• Taylor forgot to take off his shirt in one scene. But Taylor wearing a shirt in Eclipse is NOT TOLERABLE so Summit got mad and now they have to cgi out the shirt and cgi in the abs

• Edward’s Eclipse make-up was in some scenes even more obvious than in New Moon and made him almost look like a drag queen so now they have to fix that (Yep, I just said Edward and drag queen in one sentence. No, I probably won’t do that again. Ever.)
• 

  Uhm, where did the jorts go?

  The wolfpack cut their jorts waaayyy to short so you could actually see their booties and they were afraid that might be too sexy to get a PG13 rating (I wonder if the wolfpack booties are as hot as Paul Wesley’s looked in “Wolf Lake”…)

• Kristen did neither stumble nor blink nor fall down often enough to be recognized as Bella

• someone realized that Cathy Hardi had somehow managed to sneak in as Tanya claiming that she is already the perfect strawberry blonde

These are only a few of all the things that came to my mind. And I hope that none of it is true! Well, except for the supershort jorts maybe…

So dear Summit, I gotta admit that I’m pretty excited to see those ten seconds. I know that this won’t be a real scene, just a little something to make sure we make it to the Remember Me premiere to see the first full Eclipse trailer. But you kept us waiting like FOREVER so it better be something good. And not something like THIS:

Cause no, just the title flashing up is NOT enough. But oh hey, I just saw you promised a 90 second trailer for tomorrow. Awesome! I’ll check it out and then let you know what I think about it, deal? Great!

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Off to get popcorn to watch the first tidbit of Eclipse (FINALLY)

Soul

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PS: Thanks so much to our dear reader Dot who sent me the link to Paul Wesley’s booty pic a couple of days ago. I’ve basically been looking for a reason to post it ever since…

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Before you ask me: Yes, I will definitely post all the trailer stuff here as soon as there’s a good version available that I can embed here! So are you excited even if it’s just ten seconds? Any other idea what could have caused the editor change? Leave a comment or e-mail us!

(images: google; video: YouTube)

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Finding our lovely Blog via Google Vol.3

Yay, today is our 3 month anniversary. I can’t believe Zelda and I already made it through 3 months of Twi-blogging without one single serious argument. I feel like such an awful lot of exciting stuff has happened during that time. We decided to make a super special post when we reach the 6 months mark! Today we just tell you about all the crazy stuff people google when they end up on our blog. So here we go with Vol.3 of “How people found our blog when they were actually looking for something completely different”. Enjoy!

scene where jacob takes off his shirt: Uhm, you got to google this? I mean, Jacob takes off his shirt in about every single scene in New Moon… Honestly, I can hardly remember him wearing a shirt in this movie at all.

NOT part of an uncensored Chippendales video

uncensored chippendales video: The only time I can remember writing about the Chippendales was when I made jokes about Kellan’s “I’m wearing my old Chippendales uniform” photoshoot. So I’m sorry, but we do NOT have an uncensored Chippendales video here.

shaun robinson porn: Shaun Robinson? The woman I once called Queen of 2nd-hand-embarrassment? The one who did all those red carpet interviews at the New Moon premiere? The one who keeps constantly asking Taylor Lautner to take of his shirt? Hey Shaun, don’t forget: He’s seventeen, that’s only legal in Georgia. Just saying. Please let there NOT be any kind of porn featuring her. Cause if this was true I would probably die of 2nd-hand-embarrassment.

A little How to Dazzle Twiporn

top rated twiporn: I don’t know if you’d consider it top rated but we may or may not have made a little Twiporn here on How to Dazzle…

taylor lautner naked: This guy is only seventeen. That’s only legal in Georgia. So unless you don’t mind going to jail for Taylor you should wait for at least another eleven days. Okay, or you just photoshop yourself a few nice naked pics of him until february 11th…

jorts fashion: Oh yes, the wolfpack definitely brought back jorts. The new must have for the summer, for sure! So get your onld jeans out and cut them off. Done!

Sorry Gwyneth, but those shorts are NOT sexy

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leather shorts: Okay, we may have made a couple of jokes about leather pants. Especially red ones. But leather shorts? Why would anyone wear them? Honestly, I just googled it and they do NOT look sexy. At all. I found pictures of Gwyneth Paltrow, Ashley Greene, Mischa Barton and others wearing them. And they did not look good on ANY of those women / girls. Sorry to say.

http://www.arobsex.com: Okay honestly, I have no idea if this site actually exists. Cause no, I did not look it up. Cause I got the feeling that I don’t really wanna know what this is about. I think I can guess what I’ll find there… But why are so many people searching for porn / sex stuff and end up HERE? Of course if this was “A Rob sex” page I might reconsider my decision to not type it in and see what happens…

Please let there NOT be such a fanfic!

bella’s pregnancy fanfiction: How can anyone in their right mind google this? I HATE the Bella is pregnant with a monster baby part. (Have I said this enough already?) I think the birth scene is horrible. So why would anyone write fanfiction about it? And even worse, why should anyone want to read it? Whoever you are that found us by googling this, why don’t you just read a nice and decent (can you call any kind of fanfic decent?) fanfiction like… let’s say Wide Awake? And stop searching for insane Bella pregnant stuff. Please. Kthxbye.

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Off to try and get all those pregnant Bella’s out of my head

Saveyoursoul

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Honestly, why do so many people find us when they’re actually looking for porn / sex stuff? I have no idea! How did you find us? We would love to hear your How to Dazzle story. So please tell us by leaving a comment or (a little more private) send us an e-mail!

(images: google)

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Taylor mans the phone at the Haiti telethon and gets a call from “Nikki”

Okay, first of all before you read on we want to clear something up: We do not make fun of the people in Haiti or the horrible earthquake that destroyed so many people’s lifes. I watched the Hope for Haiti telethon and was overwhelmed by how many celebrities participated (was there anyone who did NOT participate?). This is just our way to try and put a few smiles back on some of your faces after you hopefully all cried your eyes out at the pictures we’ve all seen and donated at least a few dollars. So now that we got that cleared up, let’s start!
Comments from Zelda and me are in blue.

The Hope for Haiti Now telethon is on air. Somewhere in Venice Beach a lovely women is close to hang up the phone for the 214th time when she finally succeeds and the following conversation takes place:

Taylor: Hello, this is Taylor Lautner, actor from Summit’s franchise hitproduction The Twilight Saga – New Moon and the awesome person who managed to put on 32 pounds of pure abs in only six months. What can I do for you?
(Uhm, I know something you could do for me, ifyouknowwhatimean…)
Woman: Hi Taylor! I saw your last movie and I loved you in it. You rocked your jorts!
Taylor: Uhm, thank you. So what is your name?
Woman: Cath… uhm… Nikki! Right, my name is Nikki!
Taylor: Okay, Nikki. It’s really nice of you to participate in our Hope for Haiti Now telethon. So what do you want to donate?
Woman: What?
Taylor: We’re here to collect donations for the people in Haiti who lost so much because of that horrible earthquake. So how much do you want to donate to help these poor people?
(Doesn’t seem like “Nikki” is interested so much in the poor people in Haiti… so why did she call?)
Woman: Uhm, listen Taylor! I called 213 times within the last 53 minutes. I hung up on Julia Roberts, Steven Spielberg and Leonardo DiCaprio (hm, why did I hang up on him?) just to get you on the phone. If I had really wanted to simply donate a few dollars I could’ve done so about 53 minutes ago.
(You hung up on these three? Why? Oh, right, because Taylor is so much cooler than Julia, Steven and Leo combined…)
Taylor: So… do you wanna say that you don’t intend to donate anything for the poor suffering people in Haiti? Cause then you shouldn’t block this line. Other people try to call to give money, you know…
Woman: Okay, maybe we could make an arrangement. My daughter is a huge fan of Sharkboy and Lavagirl. (THUMPS UP for sharkboy, yeah!!) What about you show up on her birthday party next saturday and sing that wonderful dream song for her?
Taylor: This is a charity event where we collect money for the people in Haiti. I don’t really see how me showing up to your daughter’s party could help them…
Woman: Okay, okay, calm down Taytay. (Oh my god, did she just call him “Taytay”?) What if I say I’ll donate 15 000 $ right now if you promise to show up on saturday? (15 000 $ for you daughter’s birthday party? What is this? MTV’s My Super Sweet sixtee? Oh no, wait. Then it would have to be 15 million $, right? What Taylor doesn’t know: This woman doesn’t have a daughter… COUGAR ALARM!)
Taylor: Uhm, that’s very generous of you but I’m not sure if I’m allowed to make this kind of deal. I’m just here to take phone calls. You know, I’m only seventeen, so for every other kind of arrangement I gotta ask Big Daddy Lautner first. Unfortunately he spends the evening at the Olive Garden.
(Yeah, where else, but at the awesome, omnipresent Olive Garden…. brought to you by Taylor Lautner, its new fanboy. And yes, Taylor totally calls his own dad Big Daddy Lautner, that’s right!)
Woman: Okay, what if I said my daughter’s birthday was on february 12th? Would you be free to make a decision on your own then?
Taylor: Oh well, that’s one day after my 18th birthday… (Really?? Is it?? What a big coincidence) What would I have to do?
Woman: Uhm, just come over and entertain me… I mean my daughter and her friends. Wear that Sharkboy jumpsuit, sing that song, maybe do a little martial arts stuff… the usual.
Taylor: And if I say yes now, you’ll immediately donate 15 000 $ for the people in Haiti?
(The “Taylor Lautner Show”: Amazing martial arts like you’ve never seen them before, performed by sharkboy, the hero of your youth….. Get the awesome special offer for only 15 000 $ NOW!!)
Woman: Okay, coming to think of it, I could donate something a lot more precious than 15 000 $. You know, I got that tape from an audition those two young people did on my bed some time ago.
Taylor: What? Which tape are you talking about? Is this any kind of sex-tape? I’m gonna hang up now!
Woman: No! Wait! It’s not a sex-tape. Just a sizzling audition involving a few super hot kisses on my magical bed.
Taylor: Okay I’m really sorry for your (non-existant made up) daughter and stuff but… Wait! Cathy Hardwicke? Is that you?
Woman: What? No! I said my name was Nikki! Didn’t you listen? Nikki! (Yeah, blame it all on your former BFF Nikki Reed, why not?)
Taylor: Don’t try to fool me! Are you trying to sell the Robsten audition tapte you once promised MTV instead of donating for the poor people in Haiti?
Woman: I don’t have a Robsten tape. And I would never give it away. Plus I didn’t promise MTV to give them the tape. And as I said I don’t even have a tape. The tape is secret. And how dare you question my identity? I’m Nikki. And no one else. Period.

Hello Chris Hansen, I need your help...

Taylor: Okay, whoever you are Cathy Hardi, I got Chris Hansen on speed dial. And because we record every call tonight I got proof that you tried to lure me into your house. And I know that you’re fully aware that I’m seventeen. That’s only legal in Georgia. So are you in Georgia right now?
(Uhm Taylor, I am, you know, and it’s a REALLY nice place, you should check it out, sometime. I could show you around and stuff… just saying….)
Woman: Uhm, no. I’m on my magic bed (Ah, the famous bed where the magic happened…) in Venice Beach. But I don’t know what that has to do with this call and… Who’s that guy peering through my window right now? Oh no you haven’t! Did you just call Chris Hansen and send him over to me? Are you serious? I’m the woman who casted you in the first place! Without me you would never have had the chance to prove the potential of your abs! That’s not fair! Chris Weitz get’s all the praise and I’m stuck with Solomon Trimble, the boy who almost was Quil or Embry or whoever and I picked Rob and now this girl with the mullet…

We leave this scene while C.Hardi, or let’s call her Cathy H. freaks out on the phone for ten minutes even after Taylor hung up to get some REAL donators on the phone. The last thing we see before all fades to black is the door of the magical bedroom bursting as Chris Hansen enters the room.

That’s it! The longest How to Dazzle post ever! I promised yesterday to post something spectacular today and I think I did (with a little help from Zelda, of course)!

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Off to check if Cathy Hardi has been arrested

Saveyoursoul

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Satisfied with this super spectacular post? Do you have any insane fantasies about Taylor singing that Sharkboy song just like Cathy? What else could have happened? Who else could have called Taylor? Have you watched the telethon? Tell us! Leave a comment or e-mail us!

(image: Twifans.com)

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Is BooBoo Stewart the new Taylor Lautner?

Horatio Caine and BooBoo, BFFs forever

Since yesterday was the day that BooBoo Stewart (the one who plays Seth Clearwater) finally showed up in CSI: Miami, we decided to write our first post about him. Have we ever mentioned him here at HTD before? I’m not sure… Sorry BooBoo! I don’t know if anyone of you noticed, but he kind of reminds me of Taylor Lautner, who will spoil us all the fun by turning 18 in only 23 days. So will BooBoo be the one who makes us feel like complete cougars? The one we will make jail-jokes about? The one who will make us yell “legal in Georgia” in a few years? I don’t know for sure. Possibly. Here are a few thing we DO know Taylor and BooBoo have in common:

• They got martial arts skills and are not ashamed to show them in public, as these pictures prove

• They got the Indian look

• They got abs and are not ashamed to show them in public

• They got kind of huge dads. Don’t get me wrong, I love Big Daddy Lautner!

• They’ll probably wear nothing but jorts with no shirt at all in Eclipse

• They’ll run patrol around the Cullens’ house in at least 2/3rds of Breaking Dawn (Honestly Summit. what did I tell you? You cannot fool us, we all know there’s gonna be a Breaking Dawn movie (or hopefully two))

• They make me feel like a pervert when I’m looking at all those shirtless pics… Well, Taylor not so much anymore, guess I’m used to it by now…

So, is this enough to make BooBoo Stewart the new Taylor Lautner? We’ll see. At least we got someone to make crazy jail-jokes about after february 11th… Not that I’m counting or something.

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Off to check if BooBoo’s the next one on the Rolling Stone cover

Saveyoursoul

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So what do you think about BooBoo? Is he some kind of new Taylor Lautner? What else do these two have in common? Are you impressed cause this young guy has the abs basically no one you date ever has? Do you ask yourself what made his parents name him BooBoo? Do you think they were drunk? Do you love Big Daddy Lautner as much as I do? Let us know! Leave a comment or write an e-mail!

(images: google)

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