Yesterday we handed out the How To Dazzle Awards for our favorite things in New Moon. So in order to stay honest, today is the day we present you the “Dazzling Raspberry”, our award for things we did not like that much when seeing New Moon for the first time. Because you got to admit there were a few strange details… Doesn’t mean we didn’t like the movie though. We rated it four out of five Heineken bottles, remember? Okay, here we go!
And the award goes to…
1. Worst make-up: Esme. She looked kind of naturally beautiful in Twilight. This time she looked as is a twelve year old had tried to use eyeliner for the first time. Remember when you wanted to have a thin elegant line and it all ended up being too broad and nothing but an awfully thick black blotch? Yep, that’s what Esme’s make-up reminded me of…
2. Most unsexy scene supposed to be sexy: Edward in the red Volturi cloak. I expected it to look mystical, like a wizard’s or one of the elves’, kind of representing power and magic. Instead we got something that looked very much like either a priest’s robe or Liza Minelli’s bathrobe. None of them very sexy to me, sorry!
3. Worst Rosalie bitch moment: “It’s a necklace. Alice picked it out.” Oh, great. Give someone a present, then immediately say you didn’t buy it yourself and are not the least bit interested if she likes it or not. Exactly what Bella needed for her birthday since she hates getting older anyway. Yeah Rosalie, you can even make people feel bad on their birthday, what an awesome gift!
4. Strangest line: Harry Clearwater saying “My Kung Fu is strong”. He knows about the vampires and werewolves and he knows that Bella knows about the vamps but instead of making a subtle hint about that he goes for “My Kung Fu is strong”. Definitely the new spider-monkey!
6. Worst outfit: Carlisle’s Volturi outfit. Okay, maybe it was once hip to wear velvet, silk and lace as a man but still… I can’t help myself, it somehow looks gay. Sorry Carlisle!
7. Most unnecessary line: Jane saying “pain” before torturing Edward. Did they think the audience would not get what Jane is doing if she didn’t announce it? I mean, they would realize what happens as soon as Edward starts writhing in agony, right?
8. Worst driver: Edward when he’s parking in the school parking lot on Bella’s birthday taking at least three spots with his new charcoal Volvo (Yeah, he even beat Bella hitting her head while trying to ride a motorcycle). Only reason to justify this? Well, it looks like a really cool Volvo TV spot when he get’s out and walks towards Bella. And to be honest, I don’t really mind. Edward could take as many parking spots as he likes as long as he would walk over to me like that… Just saying.
9. Worst wig: Actually I voted for Jasper and his new poodle wig here but Zelda is really into his hair, so the jury aka we chose Rosalie instead. Because it looks so damn unnatural and not at all like real hair. And shouldn’t that be the purpose of wigs in movies? To look as if they were the real hair of actors? Not such a huge success here. Fits in nicely with the blond vain bitch cliché though…
10. Worst scene: The kissing scene on Bella’s birthday in front of her truck. Because this is so not sexy. Edward starts groaning and moaning as if in deep pain and looks like he is about to start crying every second. Simply horrible. I felt kind of 2nd-hand-embarrassed for him and I didn’t think that was possible. Honestly, before he would kiss me like that I’d rather not be kissed by Edward at all. Hard to believe, I know. But true nevertheless. In case it ever comes to this Edward, just so that you know, I want a real kiss! You can do better than that! And I can definitely do better than Bella… Just saying.
Don’t worry Chris, we liked the movie a lot. We just felt as if we had to mention the not so good parts as well so that you believe us we don’t belong to those hardcore fans loving everything twi-related without really thinking about it. In case you feel depressed now (You shouldn’t!) just read what we posted yesterday again! Cause there was some pretty awesome stuff that made us invent the superspecial How To Dazzle Awards just to appreciate your work. Something we didn’t think that necessary for Cathy Hardi butchering directing Twilight…
Off to buy a supersexy red cloak for Edward in case he shows up
Anything we missed? What do you think deserved the Dazzling Raspberry? Leave us a comment or send an e-mail!
(images: Polyvore and google)