Zelda to the Rescue: A guide to Australia

Yesterday I saw pics of Kristen in Australia. And I got the slight feeling she’s not doing that well and really needs our help! Want proof? Here!

So when I saw these pics I immediately rounded up Zelda who has (as you may know by now) spent about 8 months in Australia back in the days when we had no idea such wonderful things as sparkly vampires existed. aka the time when we still had real lives. It took her all of ten seconds to come up with this wonderful guide to help out Kristen and Taylor and make their trip to Australia truly unforgettable:

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The Zelda-Guide to Happiness in Down-Under

(Uhm yeah, that DID sound kinda dirty. You CAN add that’s what she said here… sorry! Or no, not sorry. I totally did that on purpose. You could have seen that Down-Under joke coming though, you know me by now! )

NO! DON'T! Cause NO ONE will lick it off! That stuff is disgusting as hell!

1. Do NEVER let anyone talk you into trying vegemite. Ever. Cause it doesn’t taste good. At all. Trust me! Just don’t!

2. “Thong” has a different meaning as in other countries.  So before you say it, google it! Or better: look it up at Urban Dictionary. Now!

3. When watching TV in your hotel rooms you might discover that every five minutes you will see the exact same five commercials. You got two options: Get even MORE pissed than you already are judged by the pics above or just starting to sing along cause you will know them by heart in less than one day anyway. I bet Taylor will choose option two. We all know how much he likes to sing, so don’t spoil him all the fun, Kristen!

4. Beware of all the highly poisonous snakes / spiders / cockroaches / scorpions / various other insects that might hide in your shoes / clothes / beds… Well, basically EVERYWHERE. To help you to keep that in mind, learn the following song by heart:

5. Everyone always says “bloody hell” so it’s perfectly fine to talk all hardcore, Kristen.

6. Most washing machines only wash with COLD water. Which means the stains from the night before will NOT vanish. So if you want to cover up your latest pub-tour just put on a new shirt!

7. Coming to speak of pubs: CONGRATS! You are in a country where the legal drinking age is 18!!! This means you are both free to get drunk as hell as long as you don’t plan on driving. After Taylor’s confession on Oprah that he never smoked or drank alcohol, we were a bit worried to be honest. I mean, you have to get drunk at least ONCE in your life. Right? And Kristen, we think you might just be the perfect person to introduce little Taytay to liquor! And hangovers. Vodka and coke on tap might be a good start. Or try Jagerbombs. Like several. They could make a Jagertrain for you! We know Taylor likes spectacular stuff, that’s why he’s always doing those martial arts tricks, right?

But we know you actually like it hardcore (TWSS) so why not try goon as well? Four liter wine for only five dollar! Includes fish, egg and leftovers of milk (whatever that means) plus ensures you major drunkness and the worst hangover EVER! Go slap the goon, Kristen!

Alright dear Taylor and Kristen, that’s all for now! If you should need more of Zelda’s precious Australia tips, just give us a call! Also please feel free to print this out, laminate and then carry with you every single second of the rest of your Australia trip. And could you please write down “We love How to Dazzle” on the back so that everyone can see it? Awesome! You’re welcome!

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Your personal travel guide girls

Zelda & Soul

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Have you ever been to Australia? What are your tips for Taylor and Kristen? Anything important Zelda forgot to mention? And how awesome is it that she spent 8 months Down-Under (I truly missed her so much!) so we can now give out all those Aussie insider knowledge? Leave a comment or e-mail us!

(videos: YouTube; images: Google and JustJared)

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Aren’t these two supposed to look like twins?

Yesterday I saw an article about Rob and Reese’s chemistry on the set of Water for Elephants. Guess what pics they used to go with it! These:

Uhm, brilliant. Truly brilliant. Wax-Rob? Honestly? You used a super cute pic of Reese and then one of Rob’s wax-figure to go with it? They noticed their mistake a few hours later and changed it to this picture later:

While reading the article I realized I never wrote a post about wax-Rob. And I have no better excuse for it than the one that I simply forgot to do it. I even had a special wax-Rob folder full of pictures on my laptop and I remember chatting it all up with Tracy in several e-mails but for some reason I didn’t blog about it. FAIL, I know. I’m making up for it today! Here (finally) comes the post about wax-Rob:

Dear Madame Toussaud’s people, I confess I’ve never been to one of your awesome museums. But I have seen tons of pictures of all the different celebrities’ figures. Some of them are real masterpieces where you have no chance of telling the star and the figure apart. This unfortunately cannot be said about Rob. I appreciate your effort of taking him into your collection to give all those crazy Twihards the opportunity to take a pic with “their Edward”. But alas, who will they fool with these photos? I’ll tell you! NO ONE! Because real-Rob and wax-Rob look NOTHING alike. Here, look at this pic:

So there are to different figures, one in London and one in New York. I guess we can all agree that those two look alike. Alas, none of them actually looks like Rob. Well, unless Rob had suddenly become a 35 year old business man that is. I’ll give you credit for trying the sex-hair (I really like the one on the NYC version). Now that I come to think of it, the smirk in the London pic rather looks like the typical Jackson Rathbone smirk. I SWEAR! Take a look at a Jackson photo and you’ll see I’m right! In fact they’re non-existent alikeness even inspired stuff like this:

Epic win! This girl is SO right! But there is NOTHING in the whole wide world that could stop a true Twihard and thus these masterpieces of 2nd-hand-embarrassment were created:

I bet the real Rob was so glad it wasn’t him in the middle of all those teenagers who tried to kiss him. Thumbs up girls though for not wearing you Team Edward shirts… Also this made me wonder if the face will be ruined after the first million people kissed wax-Rob. My plan was to visit one of the wax-Rob’s and then take super crazy awesome pics with him for the blog where we do funny stuff. You know, like me feeding him a Hot Pocket or sharing a Heineken with him. THAT would be pitures that ruled! So much better than kissing him!

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Just you wait until the Oprah Twimoms come by and try to make out with wax-Rob on their red carpet…

Soul

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What do you think of wax-Rob? How could those internet people get confused and actually put a pic of him next to Reese? What other crazy pics should I take when I go to visit wax Rob? Leave a comment or e-mail us!

(images: Google)

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Join us on the Eclipse promo fun fair

Dear Summit people, when will you finally realize that you need my help with all that promo stuff? Do I really have to wait until Breaking Dawn for you to call me? Until you realize that apart from the wedding and the pre-pregnant Bella honeymoon there is absolutely NOTHING you can use? No fights, only talking. And sure as hell you don’t wanna tell people about that super creepy vampire-c-section or the demon baby. Maybe you could turn the pre-almost-fight gathering at the Cullens into a three week long vampire house party, but that’s pretty much it. So come on, give me a call! NOW! Cause I know you need my help! At least that’s what’s obvious from your newest Eclipse promo moves. I mean, online puzzle games? Online puzzle games to get the newest posters? For real? I’m a busy girl! I don’t have the time to do lame ass stuff like that! Sure, I find the time to run this blog, but that’s serious journalistic work! While spending half an hour puzzling just to get the newest pic of Jacob and Bella on a motorcycle is NOT! Fortunately there are enough people out there (the crazy Twimoms from Oprah and teenage Twihards who skip school for stuff like that) who make room in their schedules to finish those puzzles and then just share the pic with all of us. Awesome! So here are the four finished puzzles (for all of you who -like me- got better things to do):

Hey Kristen, I really appreciate your attempt! Unfortunately the hood did NOT cover up the bad hairline from the bad wig though…

Okay, what is up with this one? Edward looks sleepy! He is a damn vampire! Vampires are never sleepy. Ever. And Bella in that Eclipse outline? It looks as if the Cullens had put her under a glass bowl to protect her or some weird shit. Sorry, FAIL!

I love this one! You won’t hear one single negative word about it from me! The Cullen crest right there so close to the ring? Perfection! Plus that semi black and white / sepia tone of the whole pic? Brilliant! Makes the engagement ring look WAY less shiteous! Hey, that was NOT negative! I said LESS shiteous, that’s a compliment!

So this is your super new publicity trick? Making online puzzles? For New Moon we at least had those posters and lifesize Edward at Burger King. Which was so much more fun! Cause every Burger King you went into you could see the girls sneakily swooning over Edward (and Taylor’s abs as well from time to time). And then they were all gone. Oh no, not the girls, the posters! Remember when even the most decent girls who never in their lives even stole as much as a bubblegum tried to come up with a masterplan of how to steal those lifesize posters? And how pissed they were when they came to late only to see that some crazy Twihard had beaten them? Ah the fun of it… How are we supposed to do THAT with online puzzles, huh? No idea? Yeah, me neither…

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Give me those lifesize posters! And no, online puzzle versions do NOT count!

Soul

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So, did you do all those online puzzles? Good or bad move? I mean, some surely love to make those puzzles over and over again, but couldn’t they just have given us the normal poster in addition? Without the outlines of every single piece? Are they really trying to entertain us with shit like that so that we stay patient? I have no idea… What do you think? Did you do those puzzles for 8 hours straight yesterday at work? Let me know! Leave a comment or e-mail us!

(images: Eclipsemovie.org; cause I really don’t have the time to do stuff like that… seriously!)

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How the Vitamin Water people try to embarrass me

Some days I wish this blog was not just about Twilight so that I could tell you about the crazy soap opera my life has become lately. It’s almost like in The OC only with worse weather and less money. But all shades of hilarious! Honestly, I’m convinced life is trying to make fun of me! How else could you explain that the guy at whose apartment we partied last night has the exact same bed as the guy from whose bathroom I blogged? Or that at this very party I found out that my ex-boyfriend is now together with one of the girls who comes to Papa Soul’s gym where I work and who is just the kinda girl I’d eat for breakfast? And all that only two months after she and the ex-bf’s best friend split up? And making it even more strange, said best friend happens to be the twin-brother of the guy who threw the party. Yep, I told you it was some insane gossipy stuff. Alas this is still a Twilight-Blog so off to Twi-blogging I go at 3 am in the night just having come home. So here we go!

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Dear Vitamin Water people, thanks so much for making it even harder for me. Stuff like your stupid ad (and the crazy Twimoms at Oprah) are exactly the reason why it is so difficult for me to admit my acute fondness of Twilight. Because I always fear that everyone might think that I’m a crazy Twihard as well who plans on naming her cat Forks and her children Edward and Jacob. Which I would NEVER do! And as if we hadn’t already more than enough drama to cope with you show up and make this stupid ass ad just to get your share of the Twi-cake. Forget it! With this you only made sure that I will never ever buy Vitamin Water! Not only because I’m mad at you but mostly because I fear that then people might ask me “So are you one of those crazy fangirls camping in line for six days as well?” In my whole life I never ever camped out in line for anything and let’s face it, neither did you! Cause then you would have known that the last thing that helps you there is Vitamin effing Water! What you really need is all kinds of snacks like goldfish crackers and a bottle of diet coke. Yes, only one bottle! Otherwise you might have to pee which is NOT good when there isn’t a bathroom anywhere near. And then Edward and Jacob cut-outs of course to protect your tent from all the criminals that walk the street at night cause you know they’re gonna run away screaming as soon as they see cardboard-Edward with his tweed-suit. Don’t mess with people who wear tweed! Tweed is serious! So dear Vitamin Water ad creatives, all in all we can say that you JUST. DON’T. GET. IT! Next time you wanna push your sales ask ME! Wouldn’t it have been way smarter to have Taylor run around and doing his Jacob moves before he “refreshes” himself with a nice bottle of Vitamin Water? Or what about Rob pouring a whole bottle over himself in an attempt to wash his hair? See, I can do that way better than you! Just give me a call and everything will be oh so much better next time!

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Off to NOT buy Vitamin Water unless they call me… NOW!

Soul

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PS: Guess who was featured in yesterday’s LTT-post!? Hop over and take a look! I’m ridiculously proud! So let’s all have a glass of champy together!

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What is your opinion on the Vitamin Water ad? It IS stupid, right? We are NOT all crazy Twihards so why do they try to embarrass the whole fandom with lame ass commercials like that? They SHOULD have asked me! You wanna see Rob pouring that water over himself as well, right? Leave a comment or e-mail us!

(video: Youtube)

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Chatting it up: The Twi-Trinity at Oprah part 2

Ready? Then here comes part two of all the Oprah craziness!

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0:42: Oh no, Twilightmoms! I mean, you can be a mom and like Twilight and still be awesome… but for some reason I’m pretty sure that THOSE Twimoms will make me 2nd-hand-embarrassed as hell…

1:09: Okay, I was right! We’re only about 20 seconds in and I already feel terribly embarrassed for them. They got an Eclipse countdown on a porcelain plate? And different chocolate-dipped strawberries? WTF? Also I wanna give the Oprah lady some kind of award for delivering the line “Okay, that’s not weird at all” without breaking into laughter or starting to scream. In fact I just made me realize I should say that line more often here on the blog… So THUMBS UP for the Oprah lady! Plus each of the Twimoms wears a different Twilight shirt AND they got the Edward and Bella jewelery box? For some reason I’m convinced they got all the Hot Topic merch I would never ever buy because it would SO give away my obsession and craziness acute fondness for Twilight.

1:41: Thumbs up again for the Oprah lady’s basement line! I so feel like she could write an AWESOME post for this blog about her Twimom experience!

1:43: Gah, I was right! They DO own every single piece of Twilight merchandise that has ever been available at Hot Topic. Kinda horrifying! The only thing I really envy them is the Edward cut-out. And that’s IT! Cause no, I do NOT want the umbrella, the lunch box, the bottles from Burger King or the stuffed animal wolf!

1:49: They walk an effing fake miniature red carpet in their basement? What are they? Nine year old girls playing Barbie? Only this time Ken is paler and wears a tweed suit? Moments like this make me realize how lucky I am to have a “normal” mom that does not embarrass me like that on one of the most viewed national TV shows ever…

2:28: Bwahaha, interview with the kids? WIN! You always know the kids will tell you ALL the dirty little secrets! Ah, the boy telling his mum only watches the Edward scenes… why? We all know CHARLIE is the REAL star of Twilight, right? And the hubby accusing her of loving Edward more than him? Brilliant! Just you wait till she starts reading fanfic!

3:01: WTF? They get invited to the show? Because “Jacob, Edward and Bella” will be there? Yes, just use the names of their characters in the movie instead of their real names. Cause that’s not weird at all…

4:39: What? Rob feels lonely on Saturday nights? Like TONIGHT? I mean, it IS Saturday after all… Uhm, why did you never call ME? Honestly Rob, I gave you my number a while back and I told you, if there ever is ANYTHING I can do for you, just CALL ME! So I expect my phone to ring tonight! I promise, this will be the best Saturday night of your life! Hands down! (Yep, I know that just was a “that’s what she said”…)

5:11: For some reason this Oprah episode makes me like Kristen more and more. Unfortunately not enough to invite her to my evening with Rob though, sorry.

5:21: Taylor watches American Idol? You know what that means, right? He is probably secretly gay! Cause NO straight guy I know would watch this. Ever.

6:05: Taylor at the one and only Team Jacob sorority out there! You know the campus people only allowed them to surprise the girls late at night because Oprah could convince them that Taylor is secretly gay! She was all like “Don’t worry, no one’s gonna get knocked up! They call him Taytay and he watches American Idol. He is NOT interested in GIRLS after all…” Haha, those girls are all kinds of crazy… but also kinda cute. Cause they KNOW they are crazy and they admit they like Jacob because of his abs. They RULE!

7:21: Haha, I SO think that Taylor is using his “I’m undercover agent lowrider on a secret mission” voice here. He feels so cool sitting outside that door without the girls knowing that he’s there! Also at the end, after they threw him to the sharks into a room full of Team Jacob sorority girls that would probably immediately do him, all he has to say is “Alright, that was fun…”? Uhm, this so is another hint about Taytay NOT being interested in girls as much as they probably thought he is. Just saying…

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1:18: Just in case you didn’t know that Oprah: It is NOT uncommon AT ALL to read the whole saga in one week! I read them all in little over five days. Do I get an award now? A ticket to the red-carpet premiere? No? What a pity… Also, could Dakota’s shorts be any shorter than they already are? I don’t think so. But once more I gotta say, I love her version of Jane!

2:02: Dakota’s sister makes a robot at school and calls it Robot Pattinson? Uhm, that’s not weird at all…

4:24: Oprah mentioning Tom Cruise? You know that was a hint to Rob that this was his last chance to jump up on his chair and declare his undying love for Kristen!

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0:35: Haha, I love how Oprah did not even attempt to ask Rob and Kristen the cigarette and alcohol question.

0:53: Ah, and then Oprah unfortunately totally misses the point when she asks Taylor about the ideal WOMAN… Well, I guess the beef patties thing goes for the ideal man as well though!

3:28: Kristen giving that ring to the little girl and hugging her? So sweet! WIN!

4:10: Dang, Angryward is HOT! Ooohhh and Charlie! For me Charlie will always be the secret highlight of the Twilight movies! And then when Jacob says “I kissed Bella”… I SO can’t wait to see what happens next! Damn you Summit for making me wait two more months!

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So that was the whole Oprah craziness. I gotta say that was the best and funniest Twi-themed show I have seen in quite a while! Oprah and the Twi-Trinity plus random families in their pjs plus sorority girls plus crazy Twimoms FOR THE WIN!

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Off to hide my Team Jacob strawberries from Mama Soul

Soul

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Any thoughts about the whole Oprah business? Were there really hints that Taylor might be gay or is that just me going crazy? And can we please discuss the degree of craziness of those Twimoms? Leave a comment or e-mail us!

(videos: YouTube)

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Let’s chat it up: The Twi-Trinity on Oprah part 1

I admit we are a little behind on stuff right now. We need to talk about the MTV Movie Awards nominations and the Eclipse soundtrack plus a few minor things. But I thought it would be a good idea to start with all the Oprah stuff cause that shit is HILARIOUS! In fact there is so much hilariousness (yep, that’s a word!) that I gotta split it up into two posts. So let’s start with part one right away!

0:16: Uhm, does anyone else love that huge ass eclipse sign with “Oprah” written across it in the original Twilight letters being ten times bigger than the actual movie title? LMAO! Plus thumbs up for everyone being dressed properly! They all look nice. Rob didn’t forget to put on some pants after all…

0:31: Super 2nd-hand-embarrassing Twihard alarm! They brought signs to Oprah? WTF?

1:03: Dang, Kristen looks tired… I bet Rob kept her up all night! …JUST KIDDING!

1:11: They all saw Eclipse before I did? Shouldn’t I have some kind of prerogative seeing that I’m a Twilight-blogger and all??? Haha, and Rob’s face when he’s like “WHAT? They saw Eclipse? Before I did?” aw, surprised Rob is cute!

2:24: Oprah calling Rob SIR! WIN!

3:14: “They just like doing Twilight-related things.” “Together.” Hell YES! Rob and Kristen get it!

4:09: Oprah hugs Kristen? And *SPOILER ALERT* until the show is over she will have mentioned Kristen’s shyness at least 124 times. Uhm, does anyone else feel like they told Oprah to not bug the girl cause she is really shy and nervous and stuff just so she wouldn’t try to press THE question?

4:41: “I don’t think anybody is waiting for anything else than just you…” MAKING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH ROB OFFICIAL. I bet every Twihard and Robsten out there was holding her breath for those exact words! Yep Oprah, I know you know that’s what everyone’s waiting for. Including yourself. Instead you finish that sentence with “being yourself”? Uhm yeah, nice try… And you all know that with that “feel really at home” phrase she tried to signal that she was totally okay with Kristen leaving her chair to sit in Rob’s lap instead, right!?

5:26: Kristen saying that Bella is totally awkward? MOTHER EFFING WIN! So true! This just gained La Stew 100 points!

6:22: I’m DYING! Imagine Rob as a rapper please! LMAO! And Oprah looking like “WTF?” I would pay all the millions I don’t yet have and probably never will to listen to one of those rap-tapes! They might even be more precious than Rob’s sex-tape! Do you think he wrote his own texts back then? I bet he did! So I know one of our readers works with someone who’s parents in law know Rob’s parents (Hi T. )… So what do I have to do for you to “organize” me one of those tapes? Cause we all know they are somewhere stored away at the Pattinson residence! And yes, T., I’m DEAD SERIOUS about this!

8:29: Rob laughing his ass off about being more influential than Obama kills me. Cause let’s face it, that IS kinda ridiculous. I mean, how did he influence people? Okay, Hot Pockets, Heineken and the plaid industry probably owe him for their sales going up 253 % in the last year… but other than that?

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0:18 – 2:52: They will never let Taylor live that shit down. For the rest of his life he will be the hot underage guy who managed to put on 30 pounds of pure muscles in less than 6 months to achieve the best eight-pack anyone ever had even putting Arnold Schwarzenegger and the incredible Hulk to shame. Awesome!

5:23: Ahhh, I almost missed it the first time I saw the video! Rob makes a sloppy seconds joke cause Kristen kissed all those other guys before at the audition. Hahaha, LMAO! WIN!

5:42: So if we didn’t get a proper answer to THE question at Oprah, we never will! And to be honest, I’m perfectly okay with that… more room left for my imagination. Aka hot scenes of Rob and well, ME of course!

6:35: Rob visiting random families at home. Brilliant!

Family 1: Rob knocks and then shoots back again as if he wants to run away as fast as he can. LMAO! I can so see Rob as a kid doing that! And then… nothing happens. Rob knocks on a door and NO ONE comes to let him in? Haha! “Should we just break into the house?” Bwahaha, one of the moments that makes me absolutely convinced that hanging out with Rob is FUN! “We we’re in the basement”… getting drunk and horny while watching Twilight for the 157th time.

Family 2: “Oh god they got a dog”… and the dog obviously is Team Jacob! At least that would explain why Rob barks right back at the dog. THE MUM! Thank god Mama Soul would never give me away to 2nd-hand-embarrassment like that! She jumps up and down and then yells directly in Rob’s face “Oh my god, he is hot!” Uhm, thanks for being a NORMAL mum, Mama Soul! Also, can I please have tickets handwritten by Rob for every event I will ever go to in the future please?

Family 3: A Twilight-Dad! You so know that he IMMEDIATELY recognized Rob! AWE-SOME! Also they seem to be the most normal family by far! A little screaming and swooning but no one tried to attack Rob plus the mum didn’t seem like a complete cougar. I bet she would be perfectly happy with just having Rob as her son in law. And you know the chances aren’t too bad seeing that Rob would love to have dinner with them!

So Rob, ext time don’t forget to knock on MY door!

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So that was part two! Don’t forget to tune back in when I chat up the rest aka Taylor being thrown into a house full of crazy Team Jacob members and a super 2nd-hand-embarrassing bunch of Twimoms. Oh and there’s a new Eclipse clip and other stuff as well!

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Off to watch Oprah over and over again cause this is SO the Rob I once fell in love with

Soul

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What were your favorite parts of the Twi-Trinity at Oprah? Did I miss any good parts in the video above? Leave a comment or e-mail us!

(videos: YouTube)

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Double birthday – Get the party hats out for Rob

Just in case you don’t know that already (yeah, haha… what are the chances?) today is Rob’s 24th birthday. Aka the day I ordered nine Eclipse premiere tickets aka the day after the Eclipse soundtrack was revealed aka the day after the MTV Movie Awards nominations came out aka the day after Jimmy Fallon did a new “Robert is bothered” aka the day that the Twilight-trinity episode of Oprah finally airs. But today is also the day that our dear dudette F_Muse was born. Now she’s officially one year older than before but at the same time still exactly one year younger than Rob. Win! And what would be better than celebrating Rob’s birthday with… Rob-porn!? Because we all know Rob would so love us for that. Which guy would NOT immediately fall in love with a girl who make crazy stuff with his pics in photoshop to create the awesomeness that is Rob-porn? And because F_Muse deserves a birthday present as well and because we know she loves cupcakes, we created special cupcake themed Rob-porn. So dear dudette, enjoy your official HTD present! The rest of you, just enjoy Rob!

And because we know that our dear dudette kinda has a thing for Damon, we created Damon-porn as well. Yes, I know we rule, thanks!

Happy Birthday! I hope you two have the most wonderful of all days today! Plus F_Muse just tweeted she “doesn’t want any cakes for her bday… except cupcakes” while I’m still secretly preparing this post. So I’m sure she’ll LOVE her present! And Rob is probably pretty pleased with what we made for him as well… or at least he can’t get mad at us cause this time I did NOT post that ridiculous pic where I made him wear the birthday glasses. Hm, maybe I should have made Hot Pocket-porn for him though…

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Now finally get those party hats out!

Soul

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PS: Thanks to Zelda for coming up with the idea of cupcake themed Rob-porn!

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Any other good Rob-porn? Do you think as well that I should have made Hot Pocket-porn for Rob? Why am I just getting that idea NOW? I will so do that for his 25th bday! Just you wait… Or did anyone maybe make Heineken or plaid-porn for him? Leave a comment or e-mail us!

(images: Google; plus I got that very first Rob cupcake card from LTT who got it from Notanaddikt; also a HUGE thanks to Kiyokamori for photoshopping that last Damon pic right the day after her own birthday. You rule!)

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And finally I’m almost excited for Eclipse

Does anyone know the exact number of days until Eclipse comes out? No? Well, me neither. But I feel like I SHOULD know it at this point! I even think I should have a handcrafted chart, decorated at the edges with the illegal and super secret leaked Eclipse stills, where I each and every single day make a huge fuss about putting my “Team Alex” stickers on just to make it clear that we’re already one day closer to the premiere than yesterday. Alas, no such chart exists and I have no idea how many days are left exactly. I don’t even feel motivated enough to look it up. At this point before New Moon I was THRILLED! I almost forgot about my upcoming birthday only keeping track of which trailer premiered when and where and ordering the tickets the moment they were on sale and stuff. But finally yesterday was what I think might have been a good day for the whole Eclipse business!

New poster... with a line just as dumb as the old one

First there was the taping of the Oprah show that will air on May 13th (yep, that’s Rob’s birthday… plus the birthday of my ex-boyfriend… but I’ll leave that for another post!). No real material has leaked yet but we got some tweets saying Rob and Kristen were spotted holding hands (no pics to prove that though). Then we heard that someone in the audience got the original engagement ring from the movie (Honestly Oprah, do you hate your audience that much? To threaten them with that fugly ring…) plus they all got a new Eclipse poster. Sadly I couldn’t get any information on whether or not Rob jumped up on the couch Tom Cruise style. Or if Taylor did that. But I guess we would know if they did… There were some jokes about pregnancy though but I don’t wanna spoil too much. We’ll chat it all up in time, promise!

Start making your Eclipse premiere line sign today!

Then Summit FINALLY announced the Eclipse red carpet premiere. All the craziness will take place on June 24th at the Nokia theater in La during the LA Film Festival. So that leaves us with what? Six weeks? Six weeks to order plane tickets and hotel rooms in LA when everything is already completely booked because of the Festival? NOT fair Summit, not fair! So we should better start RIGHT NOW! You know there’s still an awful lot of work left and we only got six weeks! Making Edward cut-outs to live perform the leg hitch plus cut-outs of David Slade to either put a crown on his head or throw darts at him depending on whether or not the movie will suck. Then we need tents to camp in line for at least three weeks straight in the hope that Alex Meraz and Peter Facinelli show up once again to chat with all the Twihards sleeping on the streets just because of that movie premiere. Oh the officials who have to organize the Film Festival will be so happy when they walk up to all those hobos to send them away and then realize it’s only a bunch of super hardcore Twihards… So get everything ready NOW, time is running out! Oh and don’t forget to make a “No access for YOU!” sign with the Summit logo on it!

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Off to NOT camp in line (guess I’m not THAT hardcore after all)

Soul

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So what do you think about the Oprah taping? Anything you wish they did? Anything you wish they didn’t do? And what about the Eclipse premiere? Will they allow anyone to camp in line at all? I mean, it’s the LA Film Festival, you don’t want it to look as if you have a homeless problem right there… on the other hand you don’t want all the celebs and officials get attacked by Twihards either… Leave a comment or e-mail us!

(images: Twitter)

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Brandnew Eclipse trailer – This is the FINAL one?

First of all, just in case you haven’t watched Oprah: She announced that on May 13th Dakota, Rob, Kristen and Taylor will be on her show. May 13th is my dear dudette F_Muse’s birthday, so nice present for you girl! But oh, wait, it’s also ROB’S BIRTHDAY! Rob spends his bday on OPRAH? WTF??? Are you kidding me? Will he get a ginormous cake there with a pic of him and KStew on top? Will it be the day of love confessions when Kristen as a “present” for Rob finally freaks out and yells “Okay fine, we ARE together” in the middle of Oprah and Rob’s conversation about different kinds of plaid shirts? Will Taylor Lautner pull off a “Tom Cruise”, jump up on the couch and make it official that he and Justin Bieber are a couple madly in love as well? Cause you KNOW Taylor is SO the type for doing insane stuff like that. Plus I remember someone calling him the “next Tom Cruise” a while back even though I have no idea why… And all that time he hung out with Taylor Swift you might now ask!? Well, doesn’t every girl need a gay friend to go shopping with and chat about men and stuff? Also we all know that Taylor is probably the most popular young lady in music business right now, she could TOTALLY have set him up with Bieber! Ah, the scenario playing in my head right now… Don’t you love when I get carried away like this and make up stuff like this? Come on, I know you love me for that!

Okay, off to the real thing now! Without further ado, here is the brandnew Eclipse trailer! Watch it! (Yes, if you have already watch it, do so again! You know you want to!)

Stuff we need to discuss:

• why every single Twi-trailer EVER starts with trees and by trees I mean THE EXACT SAME TREES
• why Edward suddenly looks older when he shouldn’t
• how hot Riley is and why I never noticed that before
• Kristen’s wig looking fortunately MUCH better than in the stills
• why the scene with the Newborns coming out of the water looks just like the one in Pirates of the Caribbean – Dead Man’s Chest
• how Dakota ROCKS the Jane once more
• Jasper’s hair… WTF?
• the action and fight sequences
• the FUCKING UGLY engagement ring
• how I start to like the new Victoria better but simultaneously hate her wig more
• Jacob, especially the punching the bike scene
• the music
• why this trailer is A WHOLE MINUTE shorter than a normal “final” trailer

So this all stuff we will discuss here over the next week, starting tomorrow with super awesome photoshop creations I did in regard to that engagement ring. Honestly, don’t miss out on the fun cause it will be BRILLIANT (pun SO intended!). Now watch the trailer another 5-183 times and tell me if there’s anything else we should include in out “Chatting it up” list! Cause I’m dying to hear what you all think!

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Off to tell Zelda about the trailer cause I’m not sure she has already seen it

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Leave a comment or e-mail us and share your trailer-thoughts with us!

(video: YouTube)

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The Eclipse trailer on Oprah – Should we be afraid?

Tomorrow is the day that we get the second and according to Summit final Eclipse trailer. On Oprah. WTF? Do I have to watch Oprah now just to see this trailer? Hardly! Cause we all know that we’ll be able to watch it online the moment it is out on TV. Probably even earlier. So what would make it worth to tune in on the show at all? I’ll tell you! If Rob showed up to make his relationship with Kristen (yep, I can write that and still be a Nonsten!) official. In Tom Cruise style! Cause I just KNOW this would make me laugh my ass off SO HARD! Or either make me die from 2nd-hand-embarrassment. One of those two. But one way or the other it would be EPIC!

Honestly, just for one moment imagine Rob there. Losing it completely, screaming “I am in LOOOVE” and jumping up on the couch every five seconds. And then Kristen being dragged into the arena the studio making her usual “I hate screaming people” bitchface, then suddenly starting to smile, hugging Oprah and in the end *GASP* kissing Rob live on TV. Haha, the thought of that alone… This would be the moment where a huge sigh is heard from Rob fans all around the world. Half of them because they now FINALLY had real Rob and Kristen instead of Edward and Bella material to create Robsten fanvids for YouTube, the other half because this would be the moment from which on you could NEVER EVER AGAIN say out loud that you had once been are still a fan of Rob cause all of your friends would simply stare at you before breaking into a huge laugh and mocking you for liking “that douchy crazy man that jumped up on Oprah’s couch and embarrassed everyone in an at least 12.000 miles radius”. And they would be right…

Yep he was a vamp once too! Only this is so much gayer than sparkling...

But before I confuse some of our readers (I accidently made Chelle believe they had already started filming Breaking Dawn the other day… sorry girl!) let me put this straight! So far there is not the slightest hint that Rob will show up on Oprah. Let alone drag Kristen along to publicly embarrass her by pulling off a Tom Cruise couch jump. So no, you probably do NOT have to be afraid to watch Oprah on the trailer and then suddenly be surprised with what could easily be the craziest, most 2nd-hand-embarrassing TV appearance of all time. Watch Oprah for the trailer and that alone or just do it like me and watch the Eclipse trailer online. On the other hand, you never know what might happen, so maybe I should watch Oprah as well. You know, simply on the off 0.0000001 % chance that Rob might indeed show up…

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That boy is GONE!

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So what do you think about the final Eclipse trailer premiering on Oprah? Good? Bad? Summit going crazy? Will you watch the show to see the trailer? And most important, do you think Rob should make a Tom Cruise style appearance to announce Robsten? Let us know! Leave a comment or e-mail us!

(video: Youtube)

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