This morning (like every other morning) I started my day by checking my e-mails. I have no idea why but for some reason people always seem to write me when I’m asleep. So to not miss anything I check my mail early in the morning. It was still half asleep when I saw there was an e-mail from a media guy working for Flaunt Magazine. And guess what he sent me!? The complete Kristen Stewart interview plus the cover plus tons of pics from the photoshoot all in HQ. He even called me “Editor”. Like in Chief Editir of the New York Times. Haha! So is this how you know you made it? When someone sends you all the important stuff to your blog-address so you can post the “good” pics and don’t need to download the blurry scans from Twitter? Maybe, maybe not. I’ll admit that I was quite proud and excited though. Which means a lot cause it was barely six in the morning. So today in honor to the very kind media guy who works for Flaunt, I’m gonna dedicate this post to Kristen’s Flaunt photoshoot and the accompanying interview! So get ready and get all underaged persons out of the room, cause this girl uses some hardcore language! 
(Excerpts from the interview in greyish green! Also I LOVE this white trash paired with rock glam pics so I’ll try to throw in as many of them as possible here… starting NOW!)
To be Kristen Stewart takes antennae. Offset from the scant groupings of hotel guests and khaki-panted walkabouts slowly roaming the manicured grounds, Stewart is hiding badly. Even if she were not that girl from Twilight, she’d be that girl over there from who-knows-where, in black jeans and a gray t-shirt, smoking and glowering and trying very hard not to look anyone in the eyes. With her invisible province breached by my approaching footsteps, her guard eases only slightly after an introduction.
THUMBS UP for mentioning khaki pants! Do you think they knew this is Stephenie’s favorite clothing for Edward? I don’t think so… WIN!
Now, freshly agitated, Stewart’s entire aspect is animated by nuisance. She winces with pain, clutching at her neck. “I must’ve slept on it wrong. Every time I look over my shoulder, it kills.” (Regardless, she’ll persist to peer behind her every so often with an audible start, turning back around with a grimace.) Everything has conspired and aligned here perfectly this afternoon for Stewart to generously, and without pause, talk shit about whatever topic merits her ire. Fame is always a good place to begin.
“If I could go to work every day and not have to be followed around by fucking fifteen gangsters trying to take my picture, willing to do anything for one… It’s not normal,” she says. “It’s funny how in America fame is placed so fucking high—above wealth, above happiness, above everything. It’s so not true. And I knew that before [I was famous]. It was so obvious to me. I don’t know how people can’t see that from an outsider’s perspective. My perspective is the same: it’s exactly what I thought it would be.”
[...] The thing is, she’s not ranting. She’s not dour, mean-spirited, or even complaining. All of this is like describing the clouds, or the leaves on the trees. They are things that exist in the world and she is talking about them. She’ll soon be 20 years old. One film almost three years ago made her the most famous teenaged actress in America and people twice her age write blurbs saying she should smile more. Or wear different shoes. Or get a new haircut. And she’s right. It’s all very fucking stupid.
First of all, I love the part where she says “fucking fifteen gangsters”! Bahaha, I told you hardcore language was ahead! And then, just to clarify that: I am NOT twice Kristen’s age. Nor did I ever really hate on her for not smiling more. But yes, I DID recommend a new hairstyle. Several times. And I neither regret it nor take it back. Because that Joan Jett mullet DID look awful! That’s a FACT! Oh and btw, I’m totally fine with her shoes! That Converse under the dress from the MTV awards? Brilliant! And all those fantabulous high-heels she alwas wears? I would kill to have such a shoe collection! I’m even fine with her not wearing any shoes at all. Like on the Oscar aftershow party! So Kristen, next time internet bloggers annoy you, just hop over to our appreciation top ten list we made for your birthday! Cause yes, we might give you a hard time some days, but we always try to make up for it again!
In music-video director Floria Sigismondi’s feature debut The Runaways, Stewart takes on the creation myth of one Joan Jett in her earliest days as a pre-packaged punk rocker before she left and launched her celebrated career fronting the Blackhearts. Any stylist with a thimbleful of talent could’ve made Stewart look like Jett, but to fill in the fabled space of an already-made icon is something else. It takes acting and Stewart does her best in a middling film comprised heavily of the clichéd rise-and-fall melodrama seen before in countless other movies about the same thing. It’s all about mood and lighting and wardrobe and the slow-motion snorting of drugs. In short, it looks and feels like it was made by a music-video director.
Plus, it’s Dakota Fanning’s movie, really. All tarted up and lip-glossed as Cherie Currie, she makes any gent in the room old enough to use a razor squirm in their seats damply like Humbert Humbert (if they happen to recall she’s still a full year shy of her sweet sixteenth). But Stewart is good in it. Only a few minutes in and you’re thinking of Jett not Robert Pattison and his lovingly brandished fangs.
Haha, see? They call him Robert PATTISON as well! Dear Flaunt people, it’s so good to know I’m not the only one who didn’t know how to spell his last name right. Only I made that mistake months back and know better by now. But I SO get that whole “damn, what was that Twilight guy called again” problem!
Suddenly, an overweight older woman appears tableside, gesturing at the cookies. “Ooh! Do we get some of these too?”
“No,” the waiter says, matter-of-factly, seeming to appear from the same magical finger snap that borne them both.
“What makes these people so special?” the older lady smiles and winks conspiratorially at Stewart, who is holding her neck again, with a slight grimace, exploring the pinched nerve (or whatever it is) that’s been plaguing her usually keen ability to scan for these kinds of interlopers. We push the plate nearer to the woman and her eyes widen. Gratified, she waddles off, the sound of crisp oatmeal giving way to eager teeth.
Honestly, how much win is it that this woman neither asks for a pic nor really shows that she recognized Kristen? Thumbs up for the cookie-lady! Cookies ARE more important than celebrities after all!
This, apparently, has created an opening, as a mustachioed black man in a yellow polo tucked into smartly pressed trousers is clasping his hands nervously and awaiting his turn to talk. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to say that I’m just a really big fan. Is this your agent? I don’t mean to interrupt. I’m just a big fan. Hello.”
“Thanks,” says Stewart, manufacturing a convincing benevolence, slightly smiling even.
The man stands there a moment or two longer, a small infinity that makes everything slow down to an awkward standoff. He finally backs away, bowing almost, and returns to his own table. [Later, the waiter will whisper to me, “Sorry about that. We’ve been having problems with him lately.” Meaning what, I’ll never know, and leaving all sorts of odd scenarios in the mind’s eye to fill in the blank left by the word “problems.”]
Dear interviewer, I thought the exact same thing! Problems? What does that mean? I so wish I knew what the waiter really wanted to say here about that creeper!
“He was nice, at least.”
“He was nice,” she concedes. “He didn’t ask for a picture. That’s good, because then they go and Twitter them and then the paparazzi know where I am and they drive to my location and it gets crazy. Twitter fucks me over every day of my life. Because people go, ‘I’m sitting next to Kristen Stewart right now’ and then they show up. I see people on their phones and I just want to take these cookies and throw them. It’s like ‘Get off your fucking phone and get a life!’ I get so mad. It’s like you’re trampling on someone’s life without any regard. And it’s rampant. Everyone can do it now. Buy a camera and you’re paparazzi; get a Twitter account and you’re an informant. It’s so annoying.”
Oh yes, the power of Twitter! Wait, I got Twitter as well! So I’m an informant now? Awesome! That totally sounds like some Bourne Ultimatum shit! Only if I would run into La Stew I would NOT tweet about it until it was over. Cause I wanted to have her all to myself and not share with anyone! (Except with Rob maybe, but that’s a whole nother story…) I mean, of course I would feel super cool and tweet about it. But not unless she was already gone. So dear Kristen, let’s be BFFs! I promise to never give away your location via my informant Twitter account while we have lunch together! Deal???
“Have you ever punched anyone in the face?”
“No!” she says, laughing slightly. “I’ve hit people, but I’ve never clocked someone.”
“People think you smoke a lot of pot.”
“People say that all the time. People are like, ‘She’s on crack. She’s a dopehead.’”
Uhm, sorry to say Kristen, but there ARE pics that prove that you once smoked pot on a porch… Just saying.
No, what’s scary is that a grown man (at least twice her age) got up from his table to tell Kristen Stewart that he’s a big fan. A fan of what, exactly? Assuming he’s referring to the films she’s appeared in—and it’s probably safe to bet he’s only seen the pair of Twilight installments—what does he want in exchange for his hello? A story, probably. Something to tell someone else that adds a discernable ounce of worth and weight to his own life, tipping the scales ever-so-slightly in his favor. Or something like that. But if I were him and he could hear what I was thinking right now, I’d tell me to fuck right off. (Or something like that.)
Yay, back to the creeper guy! But hey, dear interviewer, give the guys around the world a little more credit! I was the one who only knew KStew from Twilight. All the men I know knew her from these independent movies she did. Which I gotta confess surprised me! I magine my face when some of the guys from the gym said “Kristen Stewart? Is that that hot chick from Into the Wild?” Epic!
“Yeah, I definitely act differently. I’m definitely overcoming a lot of it. The only insecurity I’ve developed is just being overly paranoid about everyone looking at you when they’re not,” she admits, grabbing at the pain in her neck again, arresting herself from the unending urge to look around. “I used to love getting out and tripping around, but now I have to look at the ground. Otherwise, you’re inviting interaction every thirty seconds which is impossible to manage. But that’s not everywhere. I can still go places. It’s not sad, it just sort of is.
“I really love what I do. It’s just a different life,” she concludes, pressing fingers deeper into the tendons above her shoulder blade. “I get defensive and that has probably perpetuated people’s idea of me never smiling. I kind of shake my leg too, so people think I’m always uncomfortable. I understand why people say I’m such a negative Nancy.[...]“
See? EPIC WIN! Kristen GETS why we always think she’s so miserable and uncomfortable!
But goddamnit if the woman didn’t just smile and no one was here to see it. We both look around and silently decide the conversation might as well end here.
“Well, I won’t put you through any more pain.”
“Yeah, that was awful,” she says, standing up to leave.
A smile and a joke? There’s no one else left here to ask. Where is that fucking waiter when you need him?
A smile plus a joke! From La Stew herself? I wish I could have witnessed that! I bet in that moment, the world stood still! Just kidding. Since I am gonna be BFFs with Kristen soon anyway I bet I get to see one of her rare smiles myself one day!
And with that I’m finally done for today. Also this was the longest post EVER here on the blog. If you wanna read the full interview which is way longer than just those little excerpts and contains Sean Penn stories and tidbits from the Sundance Film Festival plus more scenes of the cute waiter as well as even more cookies, check it outin all its glory details in Flaunt Magazine! You know, the one which looks exactly like the pic on the right…
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Off to call my new BFF
Soul
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Which is your favorite part of the interview? The creeper? The cookie-lady? Also how awesome are those pics? And how cool is it that I got them all send via mail? Leave a comment or e-mail us!
(images: via e-mail from the media guy who works for Flaunt; just like the interview excerpts)
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